


The Woman who fell in Love with the Stars

by RanXiaoLong



Series: Falling in Love with the Stars [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst and Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/F, Feels, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Pining, Rather large plot twist, Reader-Insert, best friend yaz, the Doctor doesn't know how to deal with her emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22368952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RanXiaoLong/pseuds/RanXiaoLong
Summary: You stared wistfully towards the night sky. You had loved the stars ever since you were small. They held all sorts of secrets and wonderful mysteries you could not even begin to fathom. At least, until the Doctor had whisked you away to see them. You still could hardly articulate how much the stars intrigued you, their glow blurred through the Earth's atmosphere. The Doctor showed you the wonders of the universe, gave you a taste of magnificent splendor.The Doctor was many things. She was a traveler, a Time Lord, and a keeper of secrets. To some, she was like a flame, warm and inviting. To others, she cut like ice. And to you? To you, she was the stars.
Relationships: 13th Doctor/Reader, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Reader, Thirteenth Doctor/Reader, Yasmin Khan/Reader
Series: Falling in Love with the Stars [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1671223
Comments: 110
Kudos: 179





	1. And to You, the Stars

The Doctor stood frozen as your lips were pressed against hers. This was something she hadn’t been expecting. She supposed a lot of your recent actions had begun to make sense now, all the stolen glances, the lingering touches, rosy cheeks. She was an idiot for not connecting the dots sooner. As you pulled away your eyelids fluttered open, anxious orbs searching her face, teeth pulling fitfully at your bottom lip. She recalled how you had been the past few weeks: always a touch closer than usual, a bit more nervous in her presence. 

Maybe Donna had been right all those years ago. She really was thick.

The Doctor felt her hearts race—but she remembered all the people before. This was how she felt when she was with Rose. How she felt when she was with River. Could she really accept these feelings? Accept the heartbreak that was going to come with them? Accept that as long as she cared for you and let you travel with her, you would be in the most danger you could possibly be in?

The Doctor became scared. Scared of her emotions, scared of her past, scared of the future. 

So, she did the only thing she knew how to do. 

She ran.

You found yourself dumped at your flat, a promise to pick you up later given only from Yaz. The Doctor had remained silent. The TARDIS doors slammed shut.

It had been three weeks since you had last seen the Time Lord.

You had started cooping yourself up since the end of the first week. You had most definitely seen Yaz and Ryan around in passing but had never managed to catch either for a quick exchange to see if they had seen the Doctor. It became unnecessary once you saw them out your window late one night running towards the fantastic blue box, the telltale sound of the TARDIS starting as soon as the door slammed shut behind them. The Doctor had not been waiting for you.

You padded over to your bed, falling across the mattress and face-planting onto your pillow. You laid nearly motionless, a few blinks away from passing out. You only rose from the bed two hours later, peeling your face away from a damp pillow.

* * *

You spent countless hours staring at the posters in your room. Foreign planets, solar systems, stars, and galaxies lined your walls. Some you had ever since you were a child, others were definitely newer as more were discovered. You glanced at the telescope you kept stored in the corner of your room. Ever since you were a child, you were completely obsessed with the stars. Your parents would tell you and the guests you brought over (much to your embarrassment and sometimes abject horror in your later years) the fantastical stories you would come up with as a child about being a space traveler—able to jump between the stars.

A humorless chuckle parted your lips as you reminisced. 

_ Jump between the stars, indeed. _

A sigh swelled and deflated your chest. Your eyes traced over the celestial figures taped to your wall, one poster, in particular, standing out. A mass of reds and blues and greens. The gaseous form had never failed to catch your eye. The Orion Nebula. Out of all of the extraterrestrial forms that grabbed your attention, nothing did it more than the Orion Nebula. You had no idea why, but the nebulous cocoon fascinated you.

Maybe it was how the stars were unattainable. You had always believed that you could only reach them through a telescope until the Doctor gathered you in her arms and let you walk amongst the stars. She let you touch what was only to be looked at through glass and hundreds of light-years away. An invisible barrier that was not meant to be breached.

The Doctor was many things. She was a traveler, a Time Lord, and a keeper of secrets. To some, she was like a flame, warm and inviting. To others, she cut like ice. But to you? To you, she was the stars.

You fell backward onto your bed, softly bouncing upon impact. 

What you wouldn’t give to jump between the stars again.  _ What you wouldn’t give to be with the woman who was the stars. _

Was the woman you thought to be the stars to be as unattainable as you thought the stars were as well?

The TARDIS let you reach out to the stars. 

_ But would the stars ever reach out to you? _

* * *

Around the second week of solitude, Yaz had stopped by. She had hesitated in front of your door before knocking, unsure of what to say. You had a stagnant conversation over tea.

You sipped your tea quietly, waiting for your best friend to speak.

“So...” Yaz hesitated, “How have you been?”

Your eyes never left Yasmin. She was obviously uncomfortable. 

“Fine. You?” You tersely replied.

“Good. I’m good.”

Silence engulfed the room.

“How has work been?”

“The same. Exactly the same as always.”

“I see.”

Another pause.

“Have anything going on this weekend?”

“No.”

Yaz’s eyes flicked between her cooling beverage and your eyes, nervousness intertwined with an unreadable expression on her face.

“See anything good on telly?”

Yaz spoke carefully, like stepping over broken glass. You could tell she was purposefully avoiding talking about the Time Lord. You insisted there was no need for her to check up on you, you were fine, and most certainly weren’t broken. You had shown her out the door with a clipped tone.

After Yasmin departed you sat back down at your dining table, staring at your now cold, half-filled cup of tea. Your mind raced with the quick glances Yaz cast between her cup and your face, eyebrows scrunched and a hesitant tongue. 

You let out a shaky breath as you planted your elbows on the table, head rested in your hands. You were fine.

The Doctor had not been waiting for you. The Doctor wasn’t going to wait for you.

The stars never reached out to others. The stars were to be admired from afar.

A lone droplet made its way down your cheek.

_ You were fine. _

* * *

Nearly three days passed after Yaz visited your flat that it really hit you. You supposed before was just a numb sort of denial, but Yaz sitting in front of you must have slapped whatever part of your brain that was responsible for the numbness awake. Why had the Doctor left you? Why did she drop you in front of your doorstep without so much as a goodbye? You thought that you had calculated correctly. Even if the Doctor didn’t return your feelings, you thought she would at worst graciously let you down then continue on as if it never happened.

The stars were many things, but they were never intentionally cruel. 

They just were. Higher than anything else, conflict was beneath them.

You set the kettle on the stove as you turned up the flame, racking your brain for the potential cause of your exile from the Doctor’s presence. Your mind flitted to a planet you had visited months ago. 

You had saved the royalty from a plot to scandalize them. As thanks, they threw a ball and insisted on extending your stay another night. There had been a large banquet. The amazing visual spectacle of otherworldly food, customs, dances, and clothes enamored you. The princess has insisted on dancing a few songs with the Doctor and you had thought the Doctor’s rapidly filling dance card was merely a show of thanks in the customs of the alien race. 

The sharp whistle of the kettle broke you out of your thoughts temporarily, removing the boiling water from the stove to pour yourself a cup of tea. Your mind was once again with the thought of the ball. A frown tugged at your lips once you remembered stepping out onto the terrace for a quick breath of fresh air. 

You had seen the back of the Doctor’s head across a few potted bushes and had eagerly stepped towards her in hopes of asking for a dance before you left. Just as you opened your mouth to call out to the Time Lord you heard the voice of the princess, causing your mouth to quickly snap shut as you hid behind a wall. You vividly remembered the twist in your stomach as the princess started flirting with the Doctor, coy phrases thrown her way. You still felt the clench of your gut when the princess had out-right declared her affections towards the Doctor, asking for her to stay and permission to court her. 

_ The stars are never asked to be wooed. They are chased after with no hope of ever catching them in your arms. _

You had quietly slipped away, hearing a soft murmur of an answer from the blonde alien. You couldn’t make out the words but the tone of voice led you to believe (along with the lack of the princess traveling with you when you left) that the Doctor had rejected her politely. Despite the rivalry for the Time Lord’s affections, your heart ached for the princess. 

You quickly gulped down your tea. 

You were an idiot. A massive, colossal, monumental idiot. Fresh tears spilled over your cheeks. She had the entire universe at her feet, all of space and time to choose from. She was the stars.

_ Why would she choose you? _

* * *

You spent the following four days locked inside your flat when you weren’t at work. Yaz had stopped by regularly, knocking at your door the same time every day after her shift, like clockwork. You explicitly ignored the door. You couldn’t figure out if Yaz had felt bad about the Doctor’s actions or if it was something else. You didn’t particularly care to know, and you much preferred to wallow in peace.

On the fifth day of your self-insured solitude, the anger came. 

You slammed the door behind you harshly when you returned from work that night, nearly missing the bowl you stored your keys in as you stomp towards the kitchen, the sharp metallic notes bouncing off the walls of your flat. Your teeth grit as you yanked the fridge door open, looking for ingredients to make dinner. You growled in frustration at the lack of food, kicking the door, fridge door banging shut. You pulled a takeaway menu from a drawer, your corse movements causing a pen to clatter noisily to the floor. You dialed up your usual Chinese restaurant, the phone static and long dial tone grated on your nerves. As the man on the other end picked up the phone you plastered a false smile to your face, scraping up enough civility to refrain from shouting over the phone. Once the bag was delivered you plopped down on the couch in front of the television screen, eating noodles straight out of the container.

After you finished your meal you threw the paper takeaway box and disposable chopsticks into the bin. You headed directly to the shower, cranking the temperature up to a nearly scalding degree. Stepping out of the washroom you pulled a small towel with you to rub at your hair. Mood slightly tempered, you run the towel over your hair as you padded into your bedroom. Your eyes flitted to a scrape on your wall, the scratch caused by the alien when she was running about your room looking for something to use as part of some sort of complex device she was throwing together. Some sort of “timey-wimey detector” by her definition. The scratch was etched into the wall just beneath one of your many posters of the Orion Nebula.

The anger rushed back.

You glared intently at the spot, stepping closer. 

The bottled-up resentment exploded, physically manifesting in a violent punch to the wall. The loud thud was followed shortly by a loud string of curses. You cradled your bleeding fist. _ It hurt _ —you thought numbly. 

_ Good _ . 

You exited your room to find your first aid kit to clean and wrap your hand.

* * *

The following day you gave into Yaz’s insistent knocking, opening the door to find Yasmin’s eyes wide with surprise, her arms and legs in a position indicating she was about to forcefully ram the door open. You sighed, leaving the door open behind you as you turned around to walk back into the kitchen, turning on the gas to boil a kettle of water.

“Tea?”

“Ah, if you’ve got the kettle on then please.” Yaz shifted nervously at the mouth of the kitchen. 

The two of you stood in silence as you waited for the whistle of the kettle. Once the shrill noise started you turned off the gas and poured out two cups. You offered a ceramic cup to Yaz who took it gratefully, a soft “thanks” leaving her lips. You led her to the table and sat down, waiting for her explanation.

Yaz sucked in a breath, “I want to start off by apologizing,” the Pakistani woman fiddled with her fingers. “I know it won’t be enough for what happened, but I’d like to anyway. I didn’t think that the Doc would just leave you here and not explain anything. I thought she had talked with you or something had happened. I couldn’t imagine the Doc wanted you to leave.” 

You slammed your mug down, the harsh sound of ceramic on wood made Yaz flinch. “Wanted? The Doctor kicked me out without so much as a goodbye!”

Yaz held her hands up attempting to backtrack, “I just meant that before she seemed pretty attached to you. I honestly thought that if you weren’t coming it would have had to have been your own decision—which I found odd since you love traveling with the Doc. I tried asking her about it but...” Yaz bit her lip, “I guess when I pieced it all together was her total avoidance of the topic.”

You fell back against the backing of the chair. The Doctor refused to even talk about you. A sigh passed your lips. Well, if the message wasn’t clear enough from the Doctor shunning you like you were some personified form of the plague, her refusal of admitting to your existence did the job quite nicely.

“I don’t know what happened, but if there’s been some sort of misunderstanding between you two, at least let me help,” Yaz’s worried eyes flickered across your face, “You’re my best friend, I don’t want to see you upset because of this.”

A dry chuckle left your lips, “Trust me, the only misunderstanding was entirely my fault. I made a miscalculated decision. I obviously read the signs wrong.”

Yaz’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion, “What’d you mean?”

You bit at the inside of your cheek, “Nothing. It’s unimportant.”

A frown made its way onto Yaz’s lips, “ _ Unimportant _ ? My best friend locks herself away for days on end and you say it’s  _ unimportant?” _ Yaz suddenly stood up, chair legs scraping harshly against the floor, “I don’t care what anybody says— _ I don’t care if the bloody Queen says it’s unimportant _ —but if you’re feeling so upset that you won’t even let me into your flat for nearly three and a half bloody weeks then nothing regarding it is  _ unimportant!”  _ Yasmin breathed heavily, her arms trembling now on the table from where she slammed her hands down. “Nothing about you is unimportant,” she added softly.

You sat in shock at the forcefulness of Yaz’s words. You knew she cared deeply for you, as you did her, but that was on a different level. You grimaced as you mulled over your actions over the past few weeks. True, you were mad, but it was no justification for shutting your best friend out entirely.

You sighed as you pinched the crease between your eyebrows with your hand. You were acting like a total twat to Yaz when this wasn’t even her fault.

“What happened to your hand?”

You looked up, your confused irises making a connection with Yasmin’s concerned-slash-alarmed ones. You glanced down at your hand, realizing it was the one you did a poor job wrapping up the past night.

You waved it off, “It’s fine, just a scratch. Really. It’s—” you cut yourself off, the word ‘unimportant’ on the tip of your tongue, “fine. I’m good.”

The frown on Yaz’s lips returned as she walked around the side of the table and kneeled in front of you, taking your injured hand gingerly between her’s. She carefully unwrapped the haphazardly applied bandaging, causing a low hiss to escape your clenched teeth.

“Not fine,” Yaz mumbled.

“Trust me, the wall had it worse.” You attempted to joke, wincing as she turned the joint of your wrist in her hand. 

“That doesn’t make it any better.” Yaz glanced up to your face, grimace present, before going back to inspect the wound. “The joint doesn’t seem too damaged but it needs ice. I’ll help you clean up and wrap the scrape.”

“Yaz, really, I’m good,” you fumbled as she stood up, “you don’t need to—“

“I want to. Now let me help or I’m going to tie you down if I have to and properly wrap it.” Yaz squinted, challenging you to retaliate.

You let out a squeak but shut your mouth, conceding. You watched Yaz leave the room to fetch the first aid kit you kept in the bathroom cupboard. You could hear the shuffling and the muffled “ah-ha” once Yaz must have found it.

Her head swung out from around the corner, raising an expectant eyebrow at you. You nearly raised one back in question, earning you a long-suffering sigh.

Yaz pulled you by the arm towards the bathroom, rolled up your sleeve and turned on the tap. She felt the running water until it was at a suitable temperature then brought your hand to rest beneath it. You hissed at the warm water, the wound still open and stinging.

Your eyes flitted towards Yaz’s face, her concentrated yet soft expression catching you by surprise. You felt her thumbs carefully brush over the skin of your knuckles. 

“You need to be more careful, I don’t want to see you get hurt.” Yaz opened a bottle of antibiotic cream and rubbed it gently over the torn skin. 

You bit your tongue to prevent another long hiss from escaping your mouth. “A bit late for that.” Not quite enough to bite back a remark, however.

Yaz’s eyes flicked up to your eyes momentarily, quickly going back to dressing your hand, pulling out the gauze. “Then tell me what happened. If there’s anything I can do to help I’ll do it.” You opened your mouth and before you got a single word out Yaz cut in, “Not about the wall. You know what I was talking about.”

You couldn’t prevent the lopsided half-grin that edged its way into your face for an instant. Yaz always knew when you were about to dodge a question. She was always so keen at picking things up when she was around you. “Well, I suppose that attempt has been thwarted.” Your smile fell as you remembered what landed you in this situation in the first place. “Ahhh, how to start this… I guess I should start at the beginning. So you remember when we went to the Orion Nebula? That was—”

“When you first realized you fancied the Doctor?” Yaz finished your sentence. 

Your eyes widened in alarm, your surprise quickly brushing off how her voice, for a split second, sounded rather forced.

“How did…”

“Trust me, everybody else noticed it except for her.” Yasmin didn’t look up at your eyes that time, hers glued to the bandage she was slowly wrapping.

You let out the breath you were holding. “Then I guess I don’t need to explain that bit.” You bit your lip as you carefully chose which words to proceed with. “I sort of confessed to her.”

The bandage abruptly tightened around your wrist, causing a sharp cuss to be drawn from your lips.

“Sorry! Sorry! I didn’t mean to do that! That caught me by surprise.” Yaz loosened the fabric before going back to tie it properly. “So you confessed,” her voice rose a pitch at the first syllable before dropping to her usual octave, “That’s exciting. How did she respond?”

A forceful smile that more closely resembled a grimace pulled tightly on your lips. “I was thrown out of the TARDIS.”

Yaz’s hands stopped moving. 

“Yaz?”

Yasmin was completely still. “I’m sorry,  _ she what?” _

You hesitated, not sure what the tone Yaz was using meant. “She threw me out of the TARDIS.” You annunciated each word carefully.

Yaz resumed wrapping your bandage, securing the loose end so it wouldn’t unwind. As soon as she tugged a few times to make sure it was properly on, Yasmin stood up and turned to walk out the door. “Right, then if you’ll excuse me I have some business to take care of.”

Your eyes widened in alarm, “Yaz it’s fine, you don’t need to talk to her about it!”

“It’s not fine!” Yaz wheeled around, anger and something you couldn’t quite place reflected back in her eyes, “You’ve been depressed and angry and I don’t know what else, but this is not fine! She can’t just kick you out because you happen to like her! You’re worth more than that!” Yaz’s fists tightened, “You aren’t just some person she can brush aside.”

“Yaz, really, please don’t talk to her about this. I’m sure she just wants a bit of space and it’ll be alright.” You forced a smile on your face. “It’ll be alright in the end. I’m sure she just wants a bit of space.” 

You weren’t sure who you were trying to convince.

Your best friend worried at her lip. She eventually sighed, giving in, “If it’s what you want, then I’ll listen.” Yaz’s eyes flicked over your face, “Would it make you feel better if I stopped traveling with her too?”

“What?”

Yaz let out a huff, “I just thought that you must be feeling left out from everything she takes us to do. If it would make you feel better I could sit out of the next few and stay with you.”

You shook your head quickly, “No! Please don’t on my account.”

Yaz inspected your face.

“Really, Yaz. Actually…” you paused, “if you could just tell me what adventures you’ve gone on while I wasn’t with you would be good. I miss it.” You fiddled with your fingers. “Just describing it and all that would be enough.”

_ Tell me about the stars. _

Yasmin eyed you critically before relenting, “Alright then. But if you have second thoughts, I won’t hesitate to give the Doc a piece of my mind on the matter.”

A small smile made its way onto your mouth, “I don’t doubt it. Our tea has gone cold, let me pour out a new cup and you tell me what you’ve been up to.”

Yaz shook her head as a small grin etched its way onto her face, following you into the kitchen. “You win. So the first place we went to was this weird planet with an enormous bird that looked like a dodo that tried dressing up for some sort of alien disco…”

And for the first time in nearly four weeks, everything was unequivocally, indisputably, incontrovertibly fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'd love to hear your thoughts/comments!


	2. No Place in a Constellation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were left on the street, abandoned. The Doctor decided you and your emotions were too much baggage. How else were you to explain her sudden departure from your life? You still had a hard time being plunged back into the drudgery of normal time-travel-less, space-travel-less life, but with Yaz stopping by your flat regularly to keep you informed of all the adventures to be had, you kept yourself together. Yaz told all sorts of fantastical stories, even the ones she claimed as more mundane still sent a thrill through your spine. There seemed to be no sense of the word “boring” amidst the escapades of the Doctor and her TARDIS. There was no sense of the word “boring” amongst the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for reaching the second chapter! I hope you enjoy it!!

“Hey!”

You spun around, the familiar shout from Ryan catching you off guard. He had run across the street to catch up with you, slightly out of breath.

“Good to see you out of the house, yeah?” 

A loose smile stuck to your lips, “Glad to see you too, Ryan.”

You had met up with Ryan a few days after you finally opened up to Yaz. He had been overjoyed to see you. He rambled on and on about what he had been doing, and at the end grilled you as to why you weren’t there. You had apologized for shutting him out, telling him there had been a sort of miscommunication with the Doctor and that both of you needed space. Ryan frowned, not completely buying it but not questioning further. He had asked if he should talk to the Doctor for you. You declined, saying it was fine. 

You were glad he didn’t mention the redness of your eyes.

Even if he had asked, you would have just told him you were up late thinking about the stars. It wouldn’t have been a complete lie. 

_ She was the stars to you. _

You had run into Graham a few weeks after that. He had gleaned bits from Ryan and Yaz as to some of the reasons you weren’t present on the TARDIS and offered to talk to the Time Lord to clear the misunderstanding. You declined him as well but still thanked him for the offer. He had left with a cheery goodbye and said he would try to bring something back for you from his next trip. 

Weeks passed by and the Doctor had, effectively, left you on ‘read’ for nearly three months and counting. You were left on the street, abandoned. The Doctor decided you and your emotions were too much baggage.  _ How else were you to explain her sudden departure from your life? _

You still had a hard time being plunged back into the drudgery of normal time-travel-less, space-travel-less life, but with Yaz stopping by your flat regularly to keep you informed of all the adventures to be had, you kept yourself together. Yaz told all sorts of fantastical stories, even the ones she claimed as more mundane still sent a thrill through your spine. There seemed to be no sense of the word “boring” amidst the escapades of the Doctor and her TARDIS. There was no sense of the word “boring” amongst the stars.

Yasmin had gone out of her way to make sure you never felt alone. She knew the toll the Doctor’s abrupt disappearance from your life had on you. She initially stopped by two times a week, which quickly became three times, then four. By the end of the second month, she was visiting nearly every day. She would talk to you about everything and nothing. Yaz would always start with whatever adventure she had been on with the rest of Team TARDIS, knowing you were eager to learn of what sorts of odd things you were barred from seeing, to know of all the stars you could not touch.

After any possible conversation pertaining to that was exhausted, Yaz always encouraged you to talk about your day. She was always enthusiastically listening to your (what you perceived, anyway) humdrum day. You couldn’t fathom why she was so eager to listen to you talk, but you were hardly going to complain about the audience. 

Yaz was an amazing listener, always asking questions and prompting to know more about your ideas and feelings. She always placed your emotions above anything else when it came to conversation. Sometimes you worried you were boring her, that she would rather talk to somebody that was less maintenance. 

“Wouldn’t you rather spend your time with someone else?” Your shoulders were stiff. Built-up anxiety brought tension to your body.

“Why?”

_ I don’t shine as brightly as the stars. _

You shook your head lightly, sitting back in your kitchen chair, “I’m just thinking. You go on all these adventures and here I am telling you about how I had a row with the photocopier.”

Yaz raised an eyebrow.

You shrugged and deflated slightly, “It sort of sat there and I shouted abuse at it. May or may not have kicked the leg of the table it sat on.”

Yasmin rolled her eyes, leaning forward in her seat across the table from you, “Honestly, you have nothing to worry about. You could give me a presentation on all the photocopiers you’ve ever fought with at work and I’d still listen.” She let her chin rest in her hand, which was propped up by her elbow on the table. “There isn’t anybody else I’d rather be with. All of space and time included,” she added cheekily at the end, a grin tugging at her mouth.

A huff left your lips, but a smile quickly overcame your previous expression.

Yaz managed, even if just for a little while, to quell your insecurities. Yaz never asked too much from you. She didn’t force you to compare yourself to the star’s brilliant glow.

You relaxed against your chair, continuing to rant about your troubles, this time softer. The tension was gone.

_ Just for that moment, you didn’t need to worry about the brilliance of the stars. _

Yaz had become a constant, an anchor you could ground yourself to. Regardless of how exciting or boring or depressing or normal your day had been, Yaz was always there. Yaz had made herself a constant where the Doctor had taken up space. Yaz made herself available to shine a light where the stars no longer reached.

Regular, like clockwork, you waited for a knock. 

_ Bang, bang! _

“Hey, open up in there, I’ve got food from that place down the street you like!”

And it always came.

You failed to suppress the grin that spread across your face, rushing to the door when you heard Yasmin’s voice.

“I’m coming, I’m coming. Don’t break down my door!”

You unlocked the door to see Yaz standing outside, bags in both hands, a wide smile on her face. Her nose and cheeks were slightly rosy due to the cool, winter air that nipped at her skin.

You opened the door wide, stepping aside to let her through. 

“You aren’t going to believe this...” Yaz reported excitedly as she quickly stepped towards the kitchen, placing the takeaway bags on the dining table.

You couldn’t help the soft smile that reached your lips as your best friend busied herself in your kitchen. You were immensely thankful for Yaz stopping by to occupy your time. The lack of time-slash-space travel left you with a TARDIS sized hole in your life and schedule. You weren’t sure how you would have begun to fend off the boredom, and every conclusion you came up with were not healthy alternatives in the slightest.

What you felt the most grateful for, however, was Yaz’s willingness to just sit by your side as you quietly cried into her shoulder, wishing the pain to disappear from the Doctor’s refusal to step into your life. The days it hurt the most were when you could see that blue box outside your window, the soft light glowing through the curtain. It was so alluringly close yet impossibly far away. 

You were Tantalus and the Doctor was the fruit tree overhead. Every time you reached out, a hair’s breadth away from grasping her, she slipped through your fingers. You began to lose count of the nights you would spend gazing longingly out your window, either at the TARDIS or to the stars above. Both were tempting sirens singing out to you, but the TARDIS holding the Doctor was the one that usually won out. The blue police box held the brightest star of all to you. A star shielded from your view.

* * *

You woke up late, yawning and rubbing your eyes as you padded softly into your kitchen, the cool tile against your feet made you shiver. A soft groan left your lips as you stretched half-heartedly. You were thankful it was Sunday. In your half-awake state, you pulled down your favorite mug to pour your morning cup of tea into. After successfully pouring out a cup you trudged into the living room. You eventually slouched against the wall next to the window, having given up on supporting your own weight. Hardly managing to keep your eyes open, you pushed aside the curtain, believing sunlight may help you wake up. 

You nearly dropped your mug.

You were definitely awake now. 

Right outside your window you could see the blue police box just sitting there. 

_ Why? _

The Doctor would always pick everybody up on any other day because “Sundays were the most boring day of the week” according to the Time Lord. So why was she outside of your flat, of all days, on a  _ Sunday? _

_ Why was she outside your flat at all? _

She had made it a point to start picking up the rest of (Were you even still part of it?) Team TARDIS further away. The Doctor hadn’t parked the TARDIS outside the front of your flat in ages. She had moved the blue box to the other side of the building, closer to where Yaz lived. 

There was a wall separating your building from the street the TARDIS was parked but being on the second floor you could still see over it. You weren’t sure the Doctor knew you could see to that street since your building wasn’t even connected to it. Your bedroom just happened to be at a lucky (or was it unlucky?) angle where you were able to view the time ship every time it came by.

But details aside, why would the TARDIS be outside the door on your street? Was it a mistake? It had to be. 

The Doctor would make sure to pick everyone up on Saturday and return as late as she could get away with on Sunday night, preferably missing the day altogether if she could help it. She had an unfathomable dislike for the day.

She must have botched up the landing again. That had to be it. Mystery solved.

You glanced once more out the window, longingly, before shaking your head and stepping away. 

It wouldn’t be wise to overthink this. It was just a mistake.

The Doctor had made it clear she wanted nothing to do with you.

You had no place in a constellation.

* * *

Yaz knew of your obsession with the stars. She had been your friend since primary school, you had gone to the same school as both Yaz and Ryan. Yaz didn’t need to be told of your thoughts to know what it meant when your eyes lingered on the Doctor. She didn’t need anybody to tell her because she could see it in your eyes.

There was a way you had always looked up to the dewy drops of light hanging in the night sky. There was a look that was reserved for the stars.

There was also a look you had for when clouds covered the stars, a force you could not control, obscuring the view of something you found so beautiful and fascinating.

“What happened?”

You turned your head around while standing above the stove, stirring a boiling pot of half-cooked pasta.

“What?”

“Something happened today,” Yaz sat forward in her chair, “You’ve got that look.”

You quirked an eyebrow, prompting her for an explanation.

Yasmin sighed, “The one you get when you cannot see the stars.”

You froze mid stir, starting up again a second later.

“It wasn’t really important—” Yaz’s eyebrow rose, to which you rolled your eyes, “Really, Yaz. I was just overthinking something.”

“Then tell me,” Yaz folded her arms on the table, relaxing against the wooden surface.

Your teeth worried at your bottom lip as you decided upon which words to settle on.

“I saw the TARDIS.”

Yaz sat up, her undivided attention solely on you. Her eyes followed every movement you made.

“And?”

Your lips puckered into a frown, “And nothing. It was just there.”

“There’s more than that,” the woman shifted her position in her chair, “You wouldn’t act like this if it was just seeing it.”

A sigh was drawn from your lips.

“It’s a Sunday.”

Yaz’s eyebrows furrowed.

“She hates Sundays,” you elaborated, “and…” you trailed off, unsure if your next words would set Yaz off or not, “the TARDIS was where she used to pick us—you guys up.” 

You quickly corrected yourself. The words tasted bitter upon your lips. ‘Us’ was no longer a word you should use when talking about the Doctor. It would just make it hurt more.

The stars never referred to themselves as a group. A constellation was a construct by a species that wished to make sense of their majesty.  _ The Doctor was a star. _ There was no ‘us.’

Yaz’s eyes widened.

You swallowed thickly.

“It was outside my door,” your voice nearly broke at the end, “The TARDIS was sitting right there.”

You refused to take your eyes off of the pot in front of you that was becoming increasingly blurry. A soft hiccup erupted from your chest.

“Oh, love...” Yaz stood up, walking up behind you and bringing you into her arms.

“She was right there.” A soft sob left your throat. You buried your face into Yasmin’s shoulder. “She was right there.”

Yaz tucked you under her chin, making soothing sounds as she rubbed circles onto your back.

“It will be okay,” Yaz hummed into your ear, “It’s going to be okay.”

* * *

You gazed out of your window, up into the night sky, your eyes flitting from star to star. Memories attached to each one drifted through your mind. Some you had to push down. Your eyes seemed to naturally latch onto the stars and galaxies you had visited with the exuberant Time Lord.

Some memories you had to forcefully push down as to not burst out into tears.

The stars hung in the sky, just as unattainable as they used to be. Yet, somehow it seemed harder to fathom their distance, harder to be unable to touch. Maybe it was because you had touched them before that they now seemed farther away than ever. You tasted the splendor of being able to touch a star—the wonder of being at the Doctor’s side.

Perhaps that was why that you could feel that distance between yourself and the stars all the more.

You briefly wondered if there was a version of the universe where you could reach out and touch the stars. If there was a universe where you could touch the stars and not be burned, a universe where the stars wouldn’t shy away.

You shook your head.

It was pointless to fantasize. Shooting stars never granted wishes and neither did real ones.

You could watch the stars, but asking for more was beyond reason. 

The stars never granted permission to look. They didn’t have to. Looking was easy. It was gaining their attention that was difficult.

Eyes always turned to look at the Doctor wherever she went, but her eyes were trained on only a few. 

You only wished you were included in that number.

* * *

You spent your day’s busying yourself the best you could, constantly having to remind yourself that succumbing to the ennui was not an option. You quickly discovered any time you were left alone with your thoughts and nothing to do, your mind would seize the opportunity to focus solely on the Doctor. 

Custard creams brought to mind the lit up gleeful expression on the Doctor’s face the first time the TARDIS dispensed one. Wild hand gestures when someone was talking kindled images of the Doctor’s animated movement and rapid speech. A set of rainbow stripes across the bag of one of your coworkers instantly brought the Doctor’s scarf and shirt to mind, the flash of colour when the Doctor turned quickly to face you. Long coats made your pause on the street, the flowing fabric evoked memories of the flip of pale blue billowing behind the Time Lord as you ran from immediate danger, boots pounding on the pavement.

When you gazed longingly to the stars her face always came to mind.

Every strange, slightly out of place thing reminded you of the Doctor. You had grown accustomed to searching for the smallest of oddities in your travels with the alien. The crack in the sidewalk, the shop with an eerie light in the back, the train sign that blinked out in intervals that resembled Morse code.

Everything reminded you of the Doctor.

She was the stars, and everything was part of the stars. The entire universe was built on stardust. 

_ And everything reminded you of the stars. _

* * *

“Hey, you’ve almost run out of sugar.”

“Really? Got to put it on the list next time I got to the store.” You typed out a quick note to yourself on your phone, adding it to the slowly growing list of groceries you needed to get the next time you went out.

Yaz had made a habit of stopping by at random points of the day when she had her days off. She also had a habit of entering your house and using your kitchen. You insisted you were perfectly capable of cooking for yourself but she was quite adamant about cooking for you. 

You hadn’t decided if it was a slight against your cooking skills or not.

You couldn’t wrap your head around the situation, but you certainly weren’t about to argue with the police officer holding a knife. You sat back quietly, occasionally making conversation as it arose.

You glanced at Yaz, eyes lingering on her form as she bustled about your kitchen. She was humming a light tune as she prepared lunch for the both of you, effectively kicking you out of your own kitchen. Your gaze softened watching her, her eyes bright as she chopped up some vegetables.

You shook your head quickly, turning away.

It wasn’t anything.

_ Ridiculous. _

* * *

It was nearing the end of your third month of exile from the TARDIS. You had marked off the days on your calendar. The days ticked by, the hours seemingly endless. Day after day, you looked out of your bedroom window, always yearning for a glimpse of the time-ship. Despite how much you wrestled with your anguish internally, you could never deny sating your need to see the blue box.

You sighed as you plopped yourself onto your bed, the springiness of the mattress caused you to bounce slightly. You sat forward, the gears in your mind slowly turning.

You thought longingly to the blue police box. You began to wonder if you would ever see the interior again. You hoped so. You desperately hoped so. Even if it was only to apologize to the Doctor. Apologize for kissing her, apologize for falling for her, apologize for burdening her with your emotions. 

You placed your face in your hands. 

_ You would give anything just to turn back time and apologize. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the time to check my story out! I'd love to read what you think about it! ❤️


	3. The Woman who fell in Love with the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mama! Mama! Tell me the tale of the man who fell in love with the stars!”
> 
> “Again, darling? I told you that one last night,” your mother was looking through the small bookshelf beside your bed, looking for a story to send you to sleep with.
> 
> “And the night before that, and the night before that,” you sarcastically stated for a child of three, “And I want to listen to it again tonight!”
> 
> Your mother sighed. It would be of little use to argue. “Fine. but—” your mother had a stern look on her features that didn’t reflect in eyes that shone with mirth, “—I get to choose the story tomorrow. Deal?”
> 
> “Deal!” you squealed excitedly, hiding your crossed fingers beneath the covers.
> 
> The older woman chuckled, “Okay then. Where shall we start?”
> 
> “At the beginning!” you gasped, the prospect of starting anywhere else nothing short of a heinous crime.
> 
> “All right, all right,” your mother ran her fingers over your hair, “At the beginning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all once again for patiently waiting for this chapter, I hope you enjoy it!

You dashed excitedly through the TARDIS, eyes lit up as you opened the doors down an endless tunnel of rooms. You had found all sorts of odd rooms, ranging from closets to the library (which you made a mental note of) to the swimming pool. You even managed to find a room that solely held one of those machines that made those big, squishy pretzels (you definitely made a mental note of that one as well). 

You left the newfound room, warm pretzel in hand, walking lightly down the corridor. You stopped at a set of double doors, very similar to the rest, yet something seemed to tug you towards it. You rested your hand flat against the smooth material. 

You inhaled, sticking the pretzel in your mouth, and placed your other hand on the second door. Internally you counted to three, pushing the doors open. 

It was dark. 

You squinted.

_That did not help._

You stepped forward into the room, eyes straining to make out any sort of shapes. Your tongue clicked as there was a lack of furniture—or anything really—in the room, save for a ledge that looked like it led down into an amphitheater. One of your eyebrows quirked up. Drawing the best conclusion you could come to, you looked up to the ceiling.

You gasped, pretzel dropping from your mouth. Your eyes went wide as you juggled the squishy bread before managing to properly catch it in your hands, a sigh of relief brushing past your lips. You glanced back up at the ceiling of the room. 

_Stars._

The ceiling was covered in _stars._

As your gaze was glued to the uncanny resemblance to the speckled night sky, the Doctor was strolling through the halls—the humans on the TARDIS were busy exploring the ship. She stopped beside the open double doors of the room you were entranced by, looking in to see your eyes wide in wonder. A soft chuckle, just beneath her breath, rumbled out of the Time Lord’s chest.

Humans were fascinated so easily.

With a wide smile on her lips, the Doctor approached you from behind. 

“Enjoying yourself?”

You jumped in surprise.

The Doctor’s voice was so close to your ear.

A hearty laugh erupted from the Doctor’s breast, “Sorry, sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you.”

You looked over your shoulder sheepishly, “It’s okay. I should’ve been paying more attention.”

The Doctor’s smile softened, eyes glittering, “Want me to show you how it works?”

Your breath hitched in your throat as you nodded furiously, “Please!”

The Doctor picked up a small box, about the size of a decent hardcover novel, by the entrance of the room and walked back to sit on a ledge that went down into the theater. She patted the surface next to her, motioning for you to sit beside her.

You hurriedly plopped down, eager to see how the contraption worked.

“So here,” the Doctor held up the box, full of dials, switches, and a keypad upon closer inspection, “you can control where you’re viewing from, yeah?”

The Time Lord proceeded to turn the dials and the sky shifted. All the stars stayed the same, but they began to move across their dark curtain—as if you were moving amongst them.

A soft sound of appreciation left your lips. 

As the Doctor continued to explain how the device worked, you found your eyes being drawn to the profile of the woman’s face. Her blonde locks fell softly against her skin.

Your cheeks flushed and you turned to look back up at the lights decorating the planetarium.

The Doctor was excitedly pointing out constellations and stars to you. Nothing was familiar about them, but that had more to do with the settings being over three hundred light-years away and nearly five thousand years in your future. 

You hesitated, biting your lip. You decided to take a leap of courage. You slowly leaned your head on the Doctor’s shoulder. 

The alien tensed briefly before quickly relaxing against your touch. She leaned slightly against you as well, moving closer under the pretense of pointing out the stars.

_Riiiing! Riiiing! Riiiing!_

You bolted up from your bed, breathing harshly and sweating profusely. Once you gathered your bearings, you groaned and placed your head in your hands. 

_A dream. It was just a dream._

A shaky breath left your lips. 

_Of course._

* * *

“What’re you doin’ ‘ere?” You rubbed your eyes with the heel of your hand, yanking the door open.

“Good morning to you, too.” Yaz held up a paper bag in one hand and a small drink carrier with two cups inside, “I got you breakfast.”

You blinked.

You lifted your wrist, checking the time. “It’s, like, seven in the morning.”

She lifted the items slightly again, “Breakfast.”

“It’s the _weekend_.”

“I got your favorite?”

Yaz rolled her eyes, passing you as she walked through the door as you stepped to the side. You locked the door behind her, yawning and bleary-eyed.

“Isn’t today your day off?”

“Yeah.”

You eyed Yaz suspiciously as you followed her to the dining table. “Then why are you here so early in the morning?”

She shrugged, “Can’t I come to visit my best friend?”

“You hate waking up early in the morning.”

“Not as much as you, apparently.”

You snorted, plopping yourself in your chair. “What’s the occasion?”

Yaz bit her lip, eyes glanced at your form before quickly flitting away. “Just thought it’d be nice. No special occasion.”

You squinted, your mind still trying to kick itself awake.

“I wanted to spend more time with you.” Yaz’s eyes refused to maintain a connection with your own. “I wanted to see you.”

Your nose scrunched in confusion, “We practically see each other every day.”

Yaz pulled out a small white paper bag from the larger brown one, shoving it in front of your nose. The scent of your favorite pastry filled your nostrils. 

“Just eat.”

You were quickly distracted, eagerly pulling out the warm bread. You bit into the flaky dough, a low moan of delight leaving your throat as it seemed to melt in your mouth. 

“You remembered my favorite!” You smiled brightly through a mouthful of delicious pastry. 

Yaz’s gaze was still averted. “Of course I would.”

There seemed to be additional words that were left unsaid, the sentence left hanging.

You happily went back to munching on the pastry. 

You swallowed the large bite you had just taken, “You can only get these on the other side of town. Only that Asian bakery that’s always completely packed sells them.”

Yaz hummed in acknowledgment.

Your cheeks flushed in embarrassment, “You didn’t have to wake up early to get this for me—of course, I appreciate it!—but you practically have to get there when they open to get the best ones.”

Yaz nodded half-heartedly, eyes still pointed out the window. “It’s no big deal.”

“Yaz.”

“For you, it’s okay.”

You hesitated, not sure how to respond. “Thank you.”

A light hue of pink rose in Yasmin’s cheeks.

“Of course.”

You continued nibbling on your breakfast, chewing slowly.

“You don’t need to worry so much, you know. I’m doing a lot better than when it all started.”

Yaz shook her head, “That’s not why I’m doing this.”

You cocked your head in confusion.

“I’m not visiting you like this just because of the Doctor. This isn’t out of pity.” Yaz bit her lip, “I really did just want to see you.”

Your gaze was soft, ”I know. Thank you, Yaz. Really”

Yaz nodded and sipped her drink.

“Have any plans set up?”

“Not much to report, I’m afraid. And the way you monopolize my time, you’d be the first to know.” Your eyes twinkled mischievously.

“Anything new, then?”

You sighed, shaking your head.

“I did want to check-in, though. Anything new with the Doctor?”

Your nose scrunched.

Yazmin’s eyebrows raised, “What was it?”

You chuckled dryly, “Which stage of grief does having dreams about the woman you’re still in love with that rejected you fall under?”

Yasmin paused.

You fiddled with your cup. 

“I think,” Yaz started, “that you may need to expand a bit on that.”

You sighed.

“I’ve been having,” you gestured vaguely with your hand, “dreams where the Doctor pops up.”

Yaz gave you a side-eye.

“Is this something that’s actually safe to share?”

“What?” Your face scrunched in confusion, “Why wouldn’t it be...” Your eyebrows shot up, eyes wide, “Oh! No, no, no, no, no! Not like that!” Your face quickly flushed crimson, hands waving the thought away wildly. “Just random things. Like memories from on the TARDIS.”

Yasmin sighed, resting her cheek in her palm, elbow supported on the wooden table, “You still love her, huh?” Yaz’s tone was quiet and slightly deflated.

You nod.

“I don’t think that they will go away soon.” Yaz’s eyes shifted towards the window, “I mean, how many months have you had a crush on—” Yaz swallowed, “ _loved_ her.”

You squirmed in your seat.

Yaz sighed, “Look, my point is that since you’ve had these feelings for a while they aren’t likely to resolve overnight. You’re going to continue thinking about her for a bit. It’s not like you can just forget about her after everything that happened.”

You nodded.

_It was hard to forget about the stars._

“I’m always available if you want to talk, but please don’t bottle this up. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

You smiled weakly.

“Thanks, Yaz.”

Her lips pulled up slightly, “Always.”

* * *

_“Mama! Mama! Tell me the tale of the man who fell in love with the stars!”_

“Again, darling? I told you that one last night,” your mother was looking through the small bookshelf beside your bed, looking for a story to send you to sleep with.

“And the night before that, and the night before that,” you sarcastically stated for a child of three, “And I want to listen to it again tonight!”

Your mother sighed. It would be of little use to argue. “Fine. but—” your mother had a stern look on her features that didn’t reflect in eyes that shone with mirth, “—I get to choose the story tomorrow. Deal?”

“Deal!” you squealed excitedly, hiding your crossed fingers beneath the covers.

The older woman chuckled, “Okay then. Where shall we start?”

“At the beginning!” you gasped, the prospect of starting anywhere else nothing short of a heinous crime.

“All right, all right,” your mother ran her fingers over your hair, “At the beginning.”

Your mother pushed the book in her hand back onto the shelf—the story not being one told through pages. It had been passed down for generations: ‘the man who fell in love with the stars.’

Your mother sat on the edge of your bed, “Ready?”

You nodded.

“Of all the stories of broken-hearted lovers, none was ever quite as tragic as the man who fell in love with the stars.”

You settled further into the covers.

“It all started one night the man was walking back to his house from the river. He had spent the entire day fishing underneath the hot sun. He always left the river before dusk, not wanting to walk through the forest at night. 

“But this day he did not. He had not caught anything all day and stayed at the river longer in hopes of catching something to eat. The man had little luck, only managing to catch a small trout. Eventually, the man decided to pack up and start his journey home. The sun had begun to set, purples and reds painting the sky.”

You listened intently, small hands gripping your blankets in anticipation. Your mother's hands were expressive in their storytelling, helping to illustrate the scene in your mind.

_On the man’s long trudge home the sky had turned dark. The man had walked with his head down to the road, not wanting to fall prey to anything in the forest. As the man neared his cabin, he looked up in relief. In his eyes glanced up and the man froze. He took in the sky and he was in awe—starstruck._

_The stars were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. The man quickly ran inside to put down his fishing equipment, running back out to gaze at the sky. He stayed out all night, watching the stars on their journey through the sky._

_Once the sun began to peek over the horizon the stars had fled, so the man went back inside to go to sleep. That day, the man goes out fishing again, this time full of anticipation. He eagerly awaits the night, wishing to see the beauty of the stars once again. The man stayed out once more, watching the stars traverse the black canvas._

_The man went to bed late again, spending the entire night watching the stars. This continued for days and days. The man kept on watching the stars, falling deeper and deeper in love with them. He watched them shine brilliantly, and was perturbed when they were blocked from view, often by the moon’s jealous light._

_One day the man confessed his love to the stars, pronouncing his everlasting admiration to the heavens._

_The heavens did not respond._

_The next night a layer of clouds blocked the night sky from view. The man wept, thinking the sky did not return his affections._

_Not to be deterred, the man once again professed his love to the stars._ _And once again, the stars did not answer. The man continued to howl declarations of eternal love into the night sky, hoping the stars would change their mind._

_Nearly a week passed and the clouds still covered the sky._

_The man could no longer take not being able to see the stars. He ran outside, falling to his knees on the ground. He shouted apologies to the sky, that he wouldn’t burden the stars with his feelings as long as he could continue to see them._

_Even if the stars weren’t for him to love selfishly, he did not want the stars to stay hidden, their beauty to brilliant to be squandered because of his selfish love._

_The next night the clouds had disappeared, stars glowing brilliantly in the sky._

_The man looked sorrowfully up to the stars hanging above. Even if he could never declare his love again, or even hear their response, it was far better to be able to watch the stars from afar._

_The man went back to his day as he used to, waking up early, go to the river to fish, then go home. But every once and again, he would stay out just a little later than usual, just long enough to get a glimpse of the stars._

Your mother tucked you into bed as you yawned. “There, now it’s time to go to sleep.” She leaned down to place a soft kiss on your forehead.

“Mama?” You asked, half asleep.

“Yes, darling?”

“What if the stars did love him but they couldn’t tell him?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if he was looking at the wrong stars? There are like a bajillion stars in the sky. What if he was looking at the wrong ones?” You waved your short arms in an exaggerated motion.

The older woman paused thoughtfully, “I suppose that could have happened. _But it’s time for sleep now, love.”_

You woke up, groggily rubbing at your eyes.

You stumbled out of bed, eventually making your way into the kitchen to boil a kettle for tea. You rubbed mindlessly at your arm, thoughts half on your dream. 

It had been quite a while since you had dreams of your childhood. It had been a while since you heard that story, it was your favorite one as a child. You had nearly forgotten it.

‘The man who fell in love with the stars,’ you mused, blowing on your hot mug of tea.

_How fitting._

* * *

“Another dream?”

You nodded once. You were sitting in your kitchen across from Yaz, each of you sipping a cup of tea.

“This one safe?” Yaz did a poor job of hiding her smirk behind her cup.

You rolled your eyes in faux exasperation.

Yasmin laughed.

“This one wasn’t about the—” you caught yourself, “her.”

You had been avoiding mentioning her by name. It rubbed you the wrong way and you had no idea why. It probably had to due with that somewhere in your brain, you were still denying what had happened. Still hoping that she was going to take you back.

Yaz hesitated with your words, sitting up in curiosity, “Oh? What was it about then?” 

“You remember that story—the one I was obsessed with when we were little?” Your eyes nose scrunched slightly, wondering if Yaz would even remember something so insignificant from your childhood. “‘The man who fell in love with the stars’ I think it was called.”

Yasmin’s eyes lit up, recognition glinting in her chocolate irises, “Oh, yeah. I remember in primary that was your favorite story. You told me about that.” A grin pasted itself to Yaz’s lips, “You were always eager to talk about it—a man that falls in love with the stars. Our teacher was definitely thrown off when she asked what your favorite story was.”

You laughed.

“She was probably expecting some sort of fairytale, like Snow White or Cinderella.” Yaz batted her eyelids, making light mockery of how as a child you would always criticize classic fairytale princesses.

You snickered into your cup, “Little did she know she got the one child that was obsessed with Greek mythology and depressing stories.”

“The only versions of fairy tales you were interested in were the ones the brothers Grimm got a hold of first.” Yaz’s grin was wide across her face.

You rolled your eyes, “I wasn’t _that_ bad. It’s just that they were too unrealistic.”

Yaz raised an eyebrow, “And a man on a mountain throwing lightning bolts isn’t?”

“I mean, at least they had personality. In princess stories, they just sat there until they were finally rescued. Nobody in those stories had any personality aside from the villains—who were just cartoonishly evil—least of all Mr. Prince Charming.” You shrugged.

Yaz snorted. “You aren’t wrong.”

You hummed softly into your cup, "If I had to choose anybody now that she was expecting, Aesop would have been my favorite.”

“Because there’s a point to the story?”

“Pretty much.”

There was a calm silence between the two of you.

“Was there something to that story you liked? Some sort of point?” Yaz leaned against the table.

A sigh deflated your chest, “Then? I think when I was a child I found the man’s love fascinating. Now I think it was a cautionary tale—or maybe just a flat out warning. Rather ironic.”

Yaz nodded, “To you, she’s the stars.”

You bit your lip.

She smiled softly, but there was something sad reflected back in her eyes, “You always loved the stars, and I think you were always going to fall for her. I mean, she literally fell from them after all.”

You sighed once again, leaning against the back of your chair, “I think part of it was that, even though I loved the stars as a child, I couldn't fathom actually declaring your love to them.” A humorless chuckle slipped past your lips.

“Then why were you so passionate about it? There must have been something. You always seemed optimistic when you talked about it even though it was a sad story.”

”I thought he was confessing his love to the wrong stars.”

Yasmin’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I think my argument was that since the sky was filled with stars, then he was confessing to the wrong ones. I thought that it was possible there was a star he wasn’t looking at that could have fallen for him.”

“A falling star?”

You paused. 

“What?”

“A star that would fall to earth to be with the man?” Yaz’s voice was somehow distant, like she was pulling something from a part of her mind she had buried, “By that logic, the man could never be one with the stars since he couldn’t rise to the heavens, so the stars would have to go to him.”

Your breath caught in your throat briefly before you managed to swallow thickly, “I suppose that must have been it,” you stated softly, eyes on Yaz filled with wondrous awe, “Where did you come up with that?”

Yaz seemed to snap back to the present entirely, a soft blush rising on her cheeks, “Ah, well maybe I thought about it a little bit.”

You quirked your head in confusion, “Why?”

Yaz shook her head.

“No, I really want to know.” Your eyes flicked across Yasmin’s face, searching, “Honestly, I was surprised you remembered something so small. I thought everybody else had forgotten about it.” 

Yaz deflated, giving in, “You were always so eager about the story, I wanted to understand it more.”

“But why?” You continued to push.

“You were my best friend. I thought that was the best way to get closer to you.”

Yaz’s eyes were averted, refusing to connect with yours. There was obviously something she was unwilling to tell you and you decided not to push it. She would tell you if it was important in her own time.

You had to remind yourself that Yaz wasn’t going to go anywhere. Yaz wasn’t going to disappear. Yaz wouldn’t do that.

Yaz had promised. 

* * *

Fascination swam in your eyes as you gazed at the nebula in awe. You supported yourself against the door frame of the TARDIS, eyes roaming the swirling shapes of gas.

“Isn’t it beautiful?”

You jumped slightly as your head whipped around. Completely entranced by the sight, you did not notice the approaching footsteps that stopped short of your form. You caught sight of the Doctor standing right behind you.

“Yes.” You responded softly, turning back to the nebula.

You couldn’t believe you spent most of your life wishing to see the Orion Nebula in all its glory, and now, here you were, standing right in front of the fantastical swirl and folds of gas.

You didn’t need a telescope, you didn’t need the pictures off of NASA’s website, and you didn’t need to gaze longingly at the posters plastered to the walls of your room.

You sighed contently.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why did you want to see the Orion Nebula?”

You chuckled, “I suppose I’ve been obsessed with it for what feels like forever.”

The Doctor’s head quirked to the side, urging you to continue.

“I guess it’s falling in love with something unattainable. There’s a certain pull to chase something you know you can never reach.” You turn to her, “Like falling in love with someone you know will never return your feelings, but you can’t seem to bring yourself to get over them.”

The Doctor nodded.

You turned back to the colourful display of gasses, “The idea of falling in love with a star,” you bit your lip, mind spinning through the best way to articulate your thoughts, “Even if you know you can never have them, it’s still alluring.”

Your eyes are drawn to the twisting shapes made of red and green and blue.

“Then what about now?”

You tear your eyes away, brows furrowed in question, “What do you mean?”

“Are you still in love with the stars even though you can reach them now? Do you not find them boring?”

You shook your head, your gaze soft, laid back on the stars, “I think even just being able to touch them would never be enough to stop my love for them. They are so vast and forever changing. I don’t think I could ever fall out of love with the stars. They could never bore me.”

“Then what about me?”

Your eyebrows shot up, eyes wide as your head snapped up to look at the Time Lord.

The Doctor realized the implication of her word choice and quickly backpedaled. 

“I just meant, if I took you to see all the stars in the sky. Would you never get bored? Would you ever get bored of me?”

_Would you stay by my side?_

You looked up to the Doctor. She was facing you, her eyes focused intently on your face. You scanned her profile. The lights of the nebula danced across her skin, colours lit up the side of her face. You felt your breath hitch.

The alien’s chain earring glinted, reflecting the light of the stars.

It wasn’t as if you had never noticed her before. It was much more that you were obsessed with the stars that nothing made it past your filter other than that. Your focus on the stars so intent  that your brain had pushed all fancies for anything else aside. 

With your breath caught in your throat, your mind let the Doctor in. Only the stars made it past your eyes, but—

 _Oh_.

_This woman was the stars._

And you were always in love with the stars.

You shot out of bed, chest heaving, eyes alert. You felt a droplet trickle down your neck. You wiped at your skin with a hand. Sweat clung to your palm. You glanced at the clock at your bedside; it was four sixteen in the morning. You groaned before falling back onto your pillow. 

Your eyes felt watery. You blamed your lack of sleep.

Tossing and turning, you eventually fell back into a fitful slumber.

You couldn’t help your dreams of the stars. 

And for the first time, you wished they would stop.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'd love to know what you thought of this chapter!! And lots and lots of love to everybody following this story (seriously, thank you so much)!


	4. Wish Upon a Falling Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myths about shooting stars granting wishes were thoroughly untrue; shooting stars were as unreal as the wishes they were supposed to grant. A shooting star implies the star continues its trajectory. Yet those brilliant streaks of light in the sky are falling towards earth, burning up in the atmosphere before (often) disintegrating completely. 
> 
> Wishes to stars were meaningless, you learned that a long time ago, but you supposed the ritual of it all still kept that slowly-dying hopeful fragment of your mind alive. If a star would grant your wishes, that would truly be a miracle. You paused, hands clasped, eyebrows furrowed and eyes screwed tightly shut.
> 
> You pondered, searching for something you could ask of the stars that they might grant you. If the stars felt kind—if they would give you just one thing…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, thank you so much for bearing with my wacky update schedule! I hope you all enjoy this chapter! (Did I really have the audacity to update this chapter on _Valentine's_ day? You bet your pretty face I did.) ❤️

You sighed, contemplating the stars. You lay in a grassy field, a small hill not far from your flat. Whenever you wanted a few minutes of peace outside at night, that was your go-to spot. The grass was soft and the view pleasing. It was the place with the clearest vision of the night sky—your equivalent of a secret hideout.

As a light breeze passed, you pondered your love of the stars. It really was an odd choice. There were so many other things you could have fallen for, so many interesting things right there on Earth, yet what you were most fascinated by were the celestial beings in the sky. 

_ Was this what Icarus felt when he fell in love with the Sun? _

The Sun was the brightest star from your perspective, purely through close proximity, yet your fascination lay with the stars light-years away. It would have been less ridiculous to fall in love with the Sun. The Sun could be relied on, it would always appear. You should have fallen for the Sun.

Another sigh fell from your lips.

The pull of starlight was always too great for you to resist. Soft, distant, mysterious. The light of the stars always lured you into chasing more.

But the light from the stars was cold. The Sun was warm, it’s rays holding you, guiding you. The stars were distant. The light of the stars could guide only if the sky was clear. If there was anything to obscure the stars, you would be plunged into darkness. However, even on cloudy days, the Sun’s brilliant light managed to penetrate through the coverage. Even on gloomy days, the Sun would force its way through to let you see.

A bright burst of light shot across the black canvas, bringing your mind back to the stars before your eyes. 

_ A falling star. _

You brought your hands together to make a silent wish. Wishes to stars were meaningless, you learned that a long time ago, but you supposed the ritual of it all still kept that slowly-dying hopeful fragment of your mind alive. If a star would grant your wishes, that would truly be a miracle. You paused, hands clasped, eyebrows furrowed and eyes screwed tightly shut.

_ What were you to wish for? _

There was only one streak of light, so you could only wish once. 

_ What would you wish for? _

Wishing for the Doctor was unreasonable. Wishes were unreasonable by definition, but to wish for that felt like an utter extreme—like you were tempting the universe to unleash something upon you that you could not yet even imagine. It would be tempting fate.

_ How were you to wish upon a star that the stars would return your love?  _

You pondered, searching for something you could ask of the stars that they might grant you. If the stars felt kind—if they would give you just one thing… 

You breathed in deeply, your wish made on the exhale leaving your lips.

You wished for the hurt to stop. It almost didn’t matter how. You just wished desperately for the pain to stop.

* * *

Yaz’s mother held out a drink for you to take, a fresh cup of tea in the white mug. You accepted it gratefully from your chair at her dining table.

“Thank you, Mrs. Khan.” You smiled.

“I told you, Najia is fine. You’ve been Yaz’s friend since the both of you were below my waist!”

You laughed softly, “Sorry, I’m just so used to calling you that, I’m not sure I can call you anything different.”

Najia smiled warmly at you before turning to Yasmin, a slight crease in her brow. “And Yasmin, I told you to bring your friends around more often.”

Yaz rolled her eyes.

Najia sighed, sitting next to Yaz on the couch. 

“Are you seeing anyone?“

“Mum, stop.”

“What? You never tell me anything. The only way I seem to get answers is by asking people you know or pressuring you in front of them.”

Your gaze is on Yaz, whose eyes look up to yours, connecting for a moment.

There’s a strange lightness in your chest that lasts for a fleeting second.

_ That was odd. _

Najia casts a glance between you and Yaz. “Are you two together?”

Yaz choked on her drink, sputtering.

_ “Mum!” _

While Yaz had her coughing fit, your hand waved the thought away, a light smile on your lips, “No we aren’t together, Mrs. Khan.”

Yaz’s mother deflated slightly in disappointment for a brief moment before smiling again. “Well, regardless, feel free to stop by anytime, we don’t see you come by as often as we’d like. I feel like you don’t pop on by as often anymore. Yaz never brings her friends around much.”

Yaz groaned, cheeks still red from her lack of air, “That’s because you embarrass me every time I do bring anyone.”

You chuckled into your cup.

Yasmin’s mother waved her off, “I just get worried about you. I want to make sure you’re making friends.”

A long-suffering sigh exited Yaz’s chest. “Mum, I’m not  _ twelve.” _

“I just want to see you happy, darling.”

Sonya snorted as she walked into the room, sitting down at the table with a mug in hand, “She’s married to her work, don’t expect her to come home with anybody anytime soon.”

Yaz shot her sister a glare.

Yaz’s mother hummed, “But I would be happy if you find somebody nice to settle down with, If you want that sort of thing. I just want the best for you.”

“Mum, stop it.”

“What? I want grandkids to spoil.”

Yaz moaned into her hands, face flushed.

You laughed cheerfully at Yaz’s expense, a warm smile splitting your face, eyes crescenting with your grin.

“And you never tell me anything, for all I know, you could have been dating her.” Yasmin’s mother nodded your way.

The odd lightness bubbles forth within your breast, quickly dying out again.

Yaz’s eyes flitted to you momentarily, a darker blush settling across her cheeks as she goes back to berating her mother for always being so invested in her love life. “Mum, I told you to stop sticking your nose in my life like that. And don’t bring her into it. She has to deal with enough.”

Your giggles slowly died out in your cup as you took another sip of tea. You look up from the rim of the ceramic, catching Sonya’s gaze.

Sonya studied you with squinted eyes.

Your brows furrowed in confusion, “What?”

Sonya leaned forward from across the table, “I don’t understand why she doesn't just tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

Sonya sighed exasperatedly, “You two are absolutely hopeless.”

“Hey!” You cried indignantly, ”What’s that supposed to mean?”

Yaz walked over, stopping a few paces away from your chair, arms loosely crossed. “What’s going on over here?” Her eyebrow raised, glancing between the two of you.

“Your sister is being cryptic and I can’t tell if I’ve just been insulted or not.” You groaned.

Yaz sighed, exasperation laid into her tone, “Sonya...”

“It’s all right,” you chuckled, “can’t imagine it was that important. Just something about some secret you are apparently keeping from me.”

Yaz’s eyes widened in alarm, glaring at Sonya, “Don’t you dare.”

Sonya rolled her eyes, “I didn’t tell her anything. But you probably should. If for no other reason, it’s almost painful to watch you drool over—”

Yaz’s hand slapped over her sister’s mouth.

“I don’t drool over—” Yaz turned her head slightly, biting her tongue. Her eyes closed as she exhaled heavily through her nose.

“Gaze longingly after? Stare after like a lovesick puppy?” Sonya all but batted her eyelids mockingly.

“Stop.” Yaz’s tone was sharp, her eyes furious.

Sonya shut her mouth.

“Hey,” you interjected warily, “I’m sure it’s all good, yeah? Nobody told anybody anything. Not even sure what this is even about, but we can all be civil here.”

Yaz looked back, her chocolate irises connecting with yours, a kind of urgency and desperation in her eyes you didn’t remember seeing before.

“She really didn’t?”

You shook your head.

“Whatever it is, I can tell it’s important to you, so I won’t push. But do tell me if I can help. You’re my best friend, Yaz.”

Sonya glanced between the two of you.

Yaz let out a resigned sigh. 

“Thanks.” She says your name with a strange tint in her tone. You don’t quite know how to place it, so you tuck it away in the back of your head, something to think about later.

You smiled brightly. “Always.”

* * *

_ You were running. Your heart pounded in your ears as you lept over a branch that obstructed your path, the forest dark, moonlight casting random splotches of much-needed light through the leaves. You continued to run, not turning your back. Every second you didn’t spend running… _

_ You gasped as something ice-cold wrapped around your wrist, short spikes digging into your arm. You struggled against the firm grasp, the freezing appendage refusing to let go. You turned in the creature’s hold, face pailing.  _

_ The face of the creature was bug-like, hexagonal compartments glinting disturbingly in the faint light of the moon. Its long greyish-blue body towered a good two feet over you, head bobbing up and down slightly. The pincers of the creature’s mouth clicked together rapidly in a menacing fashion. You gulped, looking down, the praying mantis-esque arm biting down into your forearm.  _

_ The creature raised its other arm, moonlight flashing across the tough exoskeleton. Your eyes snapped shut as it sliced downwards, a cry for help leaving your lips. _

You bolt up from your pillow, heart thundering in your chest. Your pulse roared beneath your skin as your eyes rapidly scanned your surroundings. Without thinking, you unlocked your phone and clicked on Yaz’s number, bringing the phone to your ear, still breathing heavily.

As the phone rang, your heart rate slowly began to return to normal. 

_ This was stupid. _

Your mind began to process the situation. 

_ What were you doing? _

You kicked yourself mentally.

_ It was just a bad dream and you weren’t six. _

You sighed, continuing to harshly berate yourself internally.

You were a grown woman, you didn’t need to call somebody. It was pathetic. It was just a bad dream. It was stupid to call Yaz. It’s not like she could do anything about it— _ not like you actually wanted her to _ —but—

Just as you were about to bring your phone down to end the call, Yaz picked up.

You stuttered into the speaker, struggling to come up with an excuse for waking her up at the ungodly hour. “Ahh, sorry. Sorry. I was about to hang up the phone.”

“‘S okay,” Yaz mumbled groggily, “‘S it ‘n emergency? Do ‘ou need an’thing?”

You could hear faint rustling on the other end of the line between Yaz’s sleepy words.

“No. I’m sorry for calling you in the middle of the night. It’s just that I had a nightmare and I woke up, and I don’t know why but I called you and I’m so sorry for waking you up for something as stupid as this and—”

Yaz cut your increasing ramble off, “Shhh-shhh-shhh. ‘S all right. I don’t mind.”

Yaz waited patiently on the other end of the line for you to calm your nerves.

“Do you want t’ talk ’bout it?”

You shook your head, then realizing she couldn’t see you, verbalized your response. “I don’t want to keep you up, but—”

Yaz’s voice was soft, “You’re not a bother. You can tell me.”

You felt tears well up in your eyes. A slight hiccup left your trembling lips.

Yaz called your name out softly. “Are you crying?”

“I’m sorry,” you immediately respond, “Sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

You couldn’t help the last few apologies that slipped past your lips between your shaky breaths.

“Thank you.” You replied faintly, a slight crack in your hoarse voice.

Yaz hummed tenderly into her phone. “Always.”

The nightmare had faded, but your heart was still rapid within your breast. 

_ It was just a lack of sleep. That must be it. _

* * *

The soft smell of grass brushed over you, your eyes roaming the night sky. It was nice out; the stars unobscured. 

The slow pulses of light shone, your focus floating amongst the constellations.

Your gaze drifted across the sky, eventually dropping, finding the constellation of Scorpius. So obsessed with the nebula residing just south of the belt of Orion, you hardly paid attention to the main antagonist of the old myth. You followed the curl of the scorpion’s tail. It was fascinating how people came up with shapes from the placement of the stars to tell stories to better understand the world around them.

Your brief thoughts fell to the mythical man that was pasted in the stars. Zeus admired him so much that his image was immortalized in the glittering sky. You wondered if Zeus plastered the Doctor’s image in the stars as well, every thought of the stars becoming thoughts of the Doctor.

The Doctor’s constellation was the entirety of the endless drops of light in the night sky. 

If Icarus was doomed to love the Sun, would you forever be doomed to love the stars only to crash back to Earth? The stars had lured you in. You had been drawn in by the stars’ tempting glow. The twinkling lights fanned dreams filled with wonder, dreams of fascination and of love. Your wings were forged from your affections and you flapped towards the heavens, eager to greet the iridescent lights.

With wings tipped in space filled dreams, you flew up towards the stars. But dreams were fragile, crafted from wax and string as the mold to pour your accomplishments into—wings made of feathers and wax do not last. You had flown too close to the sun. The brightest star in the sky burned your wings and let you fall. You were naïve to believe the stars would catch you.

The sun never caught Icarus, and the stars would never catch you.

* * *

You laughed with glee at the adventure Yaz was relaying to you. The Doctor had taken the gang to a planet that, to instill a sense of contentment amongst its citizens, had a kind of gaseous substance that tricked the brain. If inhaled or eaten, the substance caused people to hallucinate the things they desired the most (or at least in that moment).

The culture of the planet was to treat guests to a banquet, and their culture believed it was a kindness to show people what they desired to see. In theory, it sounded fantastic. In practice, however...

Ryan had apparently started to hallucinate about a large tub of fried chicken following him. You had found the image hilarious, the man swatting at an imaginary container and his outrage that every time he tried to pick up a piece his hand would pass straight through or he picked up some other food that tasted exactly  _ nothing _ like what he saw. The Doctor had finally deduced that the acceleration of the effect was a chemical most likely contained in the food, so despite the starving fam, none of them were allowed to eat the banquet set before them. 

“I was just sitting there, starving for nearly three hours.” Yaz groaned, head falling back, back against your dining room chair. Her eyes had flickered to yours, a small smile of contentment blooming on her features at your elated expression.

You giggled, “Was food the only thing you guys saw?”

Yaz shook her head, sighing. “No. I think for a world like that, those aliens didn’t process the chemical the same as us. They went on with their lives in a generally happy mood, but some of the things we saw after a lot of it got into our system…” Yaz trailed off, her expression dropping, eyes intent upon a spot on the table despite her forlorn features.

You sat forward, prompting Yaz to continue.

Yaz sat, looking intently at her hands, “It started getting really hard to just be there. Graham and Ryan kept on seeing people passing by as Grace. It started not just being objects that we saw or things that made us happy, but things we missed or lost as well. We started seeing people. I felt like I was about to go mad.”

Your brows furrowed. 

“You would also see situations… they wouldn’t exactly be hallucinations, but they became so  _ clear _ in your head that—” Yaz bit her lip. “You thought they would happen, it was so believable, you became almost certain that they would happen. Even if you knew they wouldn’t.”

You wavered, not sure if you wanted to sate your burning curiosity that bubbled at her words. “Did you see anybody?”

Yaz hesitantly nodded.

“Can I ask who?”

Yaz paused.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” you added quickly, “From what you were telling me, it’s probably a touchy topic.”

Yaz looked up before her eyes dropped back to her clasped hands. “It’s alright. It was just a silly wish.”

“Water, water everywhere?” You offered.

Yaz’s gaze fell on your face again, something unreadable in her eyes.

There was most definitely something that came more to mind than just some food she couldn’t eat on the alien planet. There was something she desired that she couldn’t have. 

_ Whatever it was, Yaz deserved to have it. _

The thought immediately passed through your head. Yaz had helped you through so much. She deserved any wish she could possibly have.

“Nevermind.” A blush rose to Yaz’s cheeks, her face turning away quickly.

You let it go, though your mind still resting on the rosy hue that adorned Yaz’s cheeks, wondering what— _ who _ —she saw.

* * *

Your eyes meandered across the sky, grass brushing the back of your neck softly. Silver dots across the bluish-black backdrop had you plunged into an internal debate. The past few months had been rough, the sense of abandonment probably the worst of everything you felt. The feeling of being cast aside by the woman you loved still fresh despite the start of the whole ordeal being nearing four months ago.

_ Had it been already? _

It felt like so much longer.

Your eyelids slid closed. Time seemed to pass by so much more slowly when you weren’t always traveling in the blue box. 

Yet, despite such thoughts, you were glad for the slow pace. You weren’t sure how well you would have handled it all if you were forced to move through your emotions and faster than you already were. 

Gratitude towards Yasmin bubbled in your chest. If it weren’t for your best friend, who knew where you would be. Losing the Doctor was a lot more than just losing a woman you fancied: it was losing the night sky as a whole. It was having to lose the stars. 

If you could think of some way to properly repay Yaz, you would do it in a heartbeat. Nothing seemed great enough to repay the woman who helped you through your love with the stars.

When you opened your eyes, a flash of light darted across the velvet sky. 

There had been quite a lot of falling stars as of late. You must be passing through the residual line of rocks and ice left from another object orbiting the sun. Thoughts of falling stars filled your mind. Another wish nagged at the back of your head. 

You begged the stars to listen to your request. Even if they could do nothing about your own plights, you hoped they would at least listen to this one. 

_ Please grant Yaz’s wish. Please let Yaz be happy. _

* * *

As you sat on the stairs leading up to your apartment next to Yaz, two steaming mugs of cocoa in hand. You offered one to your best friend, who thanked you softly. Your baggy sweater drooped over your body, doing a decent job of protecting your frame from the cool air nipping at your skin. Your cheeks were slightly rosy due to the night air. 

“I’m not sure if it’s incredibly bad luck or if this is just some big cosmic joke that the universe is playing for laughs.” You nursed your cup close to your breast, a sigh leaving your chest.

Yaz raised an eyebrow, “What’d you mean?”

You shrugged, “The whole situation, really. Seven and a half billion people on the planet and I fall in love with an alien.”

Recognition lights in Yasmin’s eyes, her gaze quickly averting to her cup, fingers tightening around the handle. “Oh, that. Yeah. Odd how that works out.”

Your dry laugh was mirthless, self-pity in your eyes. “Maybe I’m just not cut out for love.” 

You miss how Yaz’s eyes dart across your crestfallen form.

“I mean, there’s an entire world of people I went and fell in love with a star.”

Yaz barely managed to bite her tongue, words nearly tumbling out from between her lips that would be hard for her to take back.

_ What if you were looking at the wrong stars? _

Yaz wasn’t sure if they were words she would want to take back.

“I’m sure there’s a star that would fall for you.”

Your mouth went dry as your eyes connected with Yaz’s, her irises intently on yours.

You quickly shook your head, praying your chuckle didn’t reflect the sudden skittishness you felt well up inside of you, “No, no. I—I’m not worthy of a star.”

A frown tugged at your best friend’s lips. “You’re worth all of the stars. Just because  _ she _ doesn’t think you’re worth it, definitely doesn’t mean that you’re not.”

Your heart raced in your chest, your palms damp.

_ Why were you suddenly so nervous? _

You quickly turned your head, resting your mouth in your palm to partially cover your face indiscreetly, hoping Yaz hadn’t noticed the heat rising in your cheeks.

“Thank you.” You mumbled into your hand.

Yasmin’s eyes were soft, her kind smile caused your stomach to become impossibly light when you turned back. “You deserve all the stars in the universe.”

You fought the fluttering in your chest.

Your eyes turned to the stars. There was no sadness when you looked at them. For the first time in nearly four months, no melancholy.

_ The lightness in your breast was just due to looking at the stars. _

Your cheeks burned.

_ It was the same lightness you had when you looked at the stars. _

* * *

You gazed longingly up at the night sky while laying on the grassy hill, dots of light twinkling back. A quick dash of light zoomed past, quickly being swallowed by the darkness as it fizzed out of existence. 

A falling star.

You breathed in deeply, the crisp cool night air and the smell of damp grass filling your nostrils. 

To you, Yaz was like a falling star. She was there to give you a blazing glimmer when your eyes were glued to the cold glow of the dewy drops in the sky. 

Yaz was able to bring the light and gently place it into your hands.

In a world where the stars were trapped above like a spiderweb in the sky, Yaz managed to pluck their rays and set them in your palms.

Myths about shooting stars granting wishes were thoroughly untrue; shooting stars were as unreal as the wishes they were supposed to grant. A shooting star implies the star continues its trajectory. Yet those brilliant streaks of light in the sky are falling towards earth, burning up in the atmosphere before (often) disintegrating completely. 

But despite the resolute answer of the myth, Yaz somehow managed to grant nearly everything you could have ever wished for. She cared for you when you were down, she provided company on lonely nights, and she was a shoulder to cry on when the pressure became too much. Yaz was always there, a falling star that landed in your arms. You held out your palms and she landed in an explosion of fireworks.

Your heart fluttered within your breast.

Yaz fell into your reach, she fell from the sky into the mud to bring you back up to look towards the stars. Yaz shone brilliantly, brightly, breathtakingly, beautifully. 

Yaz shone like the stars.

* * *

As Yaz recalled her latest adventure enthusiastically, you could see all the stars of the sky shine in her eyes, all the planets untold, all of the excitement you wished you shared. Your gaze fell slightly, trailing down her face, ultimately landing on her lips. You forced your gaze upwards, berating yourself internally. Yaz was just a friend— _ your best friend _ —looking at her like that was inappropriate. Your mind briefly flickered to the Doctor. You had thought that about her, too. Suddenly your mouth tasted bitter.

You didn’t notice the frown that began to tug at your lips. Yasmin’s ramblings halted, noticing your expression.

“Is something wrong?”

You jumped. “What? Nothing, nothing. It’s just,” you weren’t quite sure of how to finish your sentence, “I was remembering something unpleasant.”

Yaz frowned. “Nothing to do with me, I hope?”

You shake your head quickly, “No! Not at all. Of course not. I was just reminded of—I was thinking about—“

“The Doctor?”

Your eyes widened in alarm.

“I’m not an idiot. I can tell.” Yaz smiled sadly at you. “If me talking about my adventures with her makes you uncomfortable I can stop.”

You shake your head vehemently. “God no, I don’t want you to stop. I love hearing about all the things you get to do— _ get to see. _ I just wish I could be there with you.” You fiddled with your fingers, eyes glued to your hands in your lap. “I love watching you tell me everything, you always look so excited and happy and—the stars you’ve seen seem to be reflected in your eyes. I feel like I’m there with you, but it makes me wish I could actually have been there too.”

You glanced up from your hands to Yasmin’s face, and you were startled at how intently she was looking at you. You couldn’t quite identify it, but the look of awe and wonder in her eyes made your body tingle. You felt like you were swimming in her dark eyes.

Yaz leaned forward slightly, her eyes still locked with yours. You felt your pulse quicken, breath becoming slightly more erratic. You hoped she didn’t notice. The woman’s eyes briefly fell lower on your face before flickering back up. Your breath caught in your throat.

“I’ve been waiting for so long,” Yaz’s eyes seemed to be searching yours. What she’s looking for you didn’t know—what you were denying to know— _ refusing to hope. _ “I thought that it would only be her.” Yaz let out a breath, “I thought that she would be the only one who could match up to the stars in your eyes. The one who you would look at like you looked at that nebula.”

The look of awe Yaz gave you was soft, the emotion in her eyes everything but spoken aloud.

“I never thought I’d ever see you look at me the way you look at the stars.”

You faced her fully, unable to tear your eyes away from her chocolate pools. Yasmin leaned closer, her eyes flickering down again briefly and you lick your lips, her breath lightly fanning against your mouth.

“You need to tell me if you want me to stop because I don’t think I can otherwise.”

You could only swallow thickly in response. Yaz’s chest brushed your shoulder, faces centimeters apart, lips a hair’s breadth away from one another. She slowed, waiting, giving you enough time to decide to pull away before your lips collided.

You didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, Yes. Metaphors have a way of taking this story by the throat, don't they? I bet a lot of you are getting pretty sick of my stringing-you-along-at-the-pace-of-an-iceberg shit, aren't you? I try to act badass yet I'm all blushes and giggles and this soft crap is what I post. What a blow to my reputation.
> 
> Ahhhh, but if nothing else, the rest of you like the show for its commitment to the stars, the fascination to the heavens and all its endless splendor? Right? Right? Let me and my cheesiness live.
> 
> Aaaaaaanyways, I hoped you guys enjoyed this chapter! I love hearing your guys' feedback! I want to know what you loved, what you didn't, what would you possibly shout at anybody in this story as your emotions are put on edge! Please tell me! Until next time, ciao!


	5. To Her, the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yaz,” you swallowed thickly, “To me, you are the stars.”
> 
> A shaky breath intertwined with a laugh left her lips. Yasmin leaned in, lips brushing yours. “And you were always brighter than the stars to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gahhhhhh! I'm so sorry this took so long! I had a hard time finishing this chapter for some reason so it took much longer than probably needed for me to update, but 'tis finally here. I have dug upwards through the dirt to deliver this humble piece of— _anyway,_ I hope you all enjoy the chapter!

Yaz bounded through the doors of the TARDIS, a wide smile pasted across her face. Hardly an unusual occurrence when one walked into a blue time ship, but the Doctor looked over at the woman, an eyebrow quirked in question. 

“You’re pretty chipper today, Yaz. Something good happen?”

Yasmin turned her head around, the Doctor having gone back to pushing buttons on the console. “Well...” Yaz bit her lip, “Yes. Good isn’t really a word that encompasses all of it. Fantastic. It’s amazing, actually. Absolutely incredible.”

The Doctor looked up and grinned, full attention on her human companion. “Brilliant! What was it?”

Ryan had looked up from his phone, attention shifting to the conversation. Graham was leaning quietly against one of the crystalline structures in the consol room, head perking up in interest. 

“What was it? Wait, don’t tell me. Can I guess? I love guessing games.” The Doctor squinted hard at Yasmin’s face, attempting to decipher the reason for Yaz’s peak in mood.

Yaz bit the inside of her cheek. “Go ahead.”

“Did your sister quit pestering you about your room?”

Yaz snorted, “That’d be a miracle.”

The Doctor’s nose scrunched, eyebrows ruffled in thought. “Am I close?”

Yaz paused thoughtfully. “I suppose my mother can stop asking me on a certain aspect of my life. So, close in that some of my family will stop pestering me.”

The Doctor’s hands rested on the TARDIS console as she leaned against it. “Has to do with family… what does Yaz’s mum ask about?”

Yasmin nearly laughed at the Doctor’s expression, nose scrunched up in thought and her hand ran through her blonde hair. “Want me to tell you, Doc?” 

The Time Lord’s nose scrunched impossibility further.

“Can I have a go?” Ryan stood up from the ledge leading up to the console.

Yaz nodded, still grinning.

Ryan’s eyebrows furrowed as he scanned Yaz’s face. “Did’ja get a new case at your job? Better than just some parking dispute?”

The Pakistani woman laughed and shook her head ‘no.’

The Doctor began wandering about the TARDIS while mumbling along some sort of thought process. The Doctor quickly spun around, eyes wide, “Does it have to do with dating? Yaz’s mum was talking a lot about your dating.”

Yaz let out a dry laugh, “Or lack thereof at the time. But yes.”

“Ooh,” the Doctor’s eyes glittered, “What are they like?”

Graham raised an eyebrow at the Doctor, “Do our relationships really amuse you that much?”

“Well, Yaz is a friend and I was told,” the Doctor nodded towards Yaz, “that friends are supposed to talk about these things.”

Ryan snorted.

The smile still had not left Yasmin’s mouth, “They’re a person I’ve liked all my life. So it’s a bit of a big deal, yeah.”

A wide grin split the Doctor’s face, “Brilliant! That’s absolutely brilliant, Yaz!”

Ryan’s eyebrows scrunched, barely getting part of “But that’s…” out before his eyes went wide, lighting up in realization. “Oh, mate! That’s fantastic!” He ran up to Yasmin and clapped her on the back, congratulating her excitedly. 

Graham smiled and walked over to Yaz, his well wishes a touch less energetic than Ryan’s, but no less enthusiastic.

Amidst the cheering and congratulatory praise from the two other humans, Yaz glanced over at the Doctor who was clearly distracted, something occupying her mind. The Time Lord fiddled with the TARDIS controls, contemplation drawn across her features.

The Yaz’s hand clenched. Yaz refused to feel guilty. The Doctor had had her chance.

She had her chance and she broke your heart.

Yaz turned away from the Time Lord who was deep in thought.

No matter how brilliantly a star shines, even the woman who falls in love with the stars will eventually move on to a glowing flame that will shine solely for them.

* * *

“You know, when I was little I was jealous of the stars.”

You hummed, turning to look at the side of Yaz’s face. The both of you were laying in the grassy field looking up at the night sky. 

“What d’you mean?”

A smile danced across Yaz’s face as she raised an eyebrow at you, “I’ve liked you since primary, you know.”

You huffed, “You told me. And I already apologized for not noticing, didn’t I?”

Yasmin laughed, “I know. I know. Sorry, it’s just fun to tease you about it.”

You groaned.

A soft chuckle left the other woman’s chest.

“But I couldn’t stand how they were the only thing that got your attention back then. I thought that I would always be second best, you know?” Yaz turned to face you, a few strands of her hair loosely fell across her face. “And when you fell in love with the Doctor, that sort of solidified it.”

Her eyes scanned your face, something resembling awe and disbelief and so much more danced in her chocolate pools.

“At some point, I think I realized that the best way to get close to you, for you to notice, would be for me to understand your love for the stars.”

Your head tilted slightly, “Is that why you remembered the story? The one I liked as a child?”

She nodded.

“I thought if I could understand it, I could understand your love for the stars, that,” a blush bloomed in Yasmin’s cheeks, “I thought that I could make you fall for me too.”

You felt your own cheeks flush with heat.

“Well, I think it worked.”

Yaz’s eyebrows drew together, confusion lighting in her eyes.

“What you said about falling stars, I think that’s when I started to notice—really notice,” you felt fire light beneath your skin admitting this out loud, “I think I saw you a little before, but you were right. I was so obsessed with the stars that I wasn’t really aware of anything else around me.”

“The Doctor,” unconsciously, you played with the grass between your fingertips, “somehow she equated the stars and I couldn’t help falling. But when you told me about a falling star—a star that was willing to fall… Falling stars are meant to grant wishes, and you seemed to make mine come true, no matter which star I wished upon.”

Yaz fully turned her body to face yours, lying on her side in the grass.

“Even though I fell for a star that didn’t want me, you were always there.”

A comfortable silence settled between the two of you. Yaz’s eyes were soft, a warm bubble of affection in her chest.

“Can I ask you something, Yaz?”

She hummed softly in acknowledgment, waiting for you to continue.

“Why did you urge the Doctor to take me to the Orion Nebula? When I asked, you immediately were pushing her to do it. I heard you in the hallway after I had asked her.”

Yasmin paused.

“I wanted to see you happy, I wanted to see you completely star-struck. You’ve always wanted to see it. I remember ever since we were young you had said you wanted to see space dust. And I thought—“ Yaz took a deep breath, “I always wanted you to look at me the way you looked when talking about that Nebula, the way your eyes shone when you finally got to see it up close.”

Yaz rested her forehead against yours, her breath soft against your lips, “I always wanted you to look at me the way you gazed longingly towards the stars.”

You lifted a hand, brushing the stray strands of hair from Yasmin’s face.

“Yaz,” you swallowed thickly, “To me, you are the stars.”

A shaky breath intertwined with a laugh left her lips. Yasmin leaned in, lips brushing yours. “And you were always brighter than the stars to me.”

* * *

You buried your face into your pillow, groaning at the light that managed to shine from between the blinds. You were about to turn over before realizing there was a light weight thrown over your side. You shifted slightly underneath the covers, your bare body unable to move much more without actual effort being put in. You turned your head, the view causing a soft smile to bloom across your lips. Yaz’s peaceful expression against the pillow made your heart flutter, a sense of calmness washed over you. You had lain your head back down upon the pillow, starting to drift off when you felt her hands begin to wander slowly. _The minx_ —you turned your head to see Yasmin’s eyes still closed but a repressed smile on her lips.

“I know you’re awake Yaz.”

Yasmin lightly hummed, opening one eye, something mischievous dancing in her chocolate iris. Before you could comprehend what was happening, Yaz rolled on top of you, her bare chest flush with your back and you blushed.

“Yaz!”

An impish grin plasters itself to Yasmin’s face as she leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss behind your ear. You felt your cheeks and ears tingle as they turned pink—Yaz slowly left a trail down your neck, exploring your shoulders, following the dip in your back. Your breath hitched once she reached your lower back, about to say something when she scooted back up again, peppering your shoulders with pecks—like the stars in the night sky. 

You managed to flip yourself over while under the caramel-skinned woman. “Honestly.” You huff out, your eyes twinkling with mirth.

Yaz giggled, pressing her lips to yours, a grin plastered to her face. She slowly started to trail lower, beneath your chin, along your neck, dipping down to your clavicle.

“We can’t Yaz, I have to get to work.”

Yaz pouted, giving the best puppy eyes she could muster. 

You rolled your eyes, “I’d love to spend all day with you here, but unfortunately I’ve got to get into the office today.” You kissed her cheek, leaning up to whisper into her ear, “If you’re good I’ll make it up to you tonight.”

You could feel her shudder above you, “Deal.” Yasmin rolled off of you, dragging some of the sheets with her as she went. 

You sat up and stretched your limbs, the covers sliding down your body as you yawned.

Yaz glanced back at you as she pulled a fresh shirt from her closet, eyes roaming slowly as a small smirk edged its way onto her lips.

You quirked an eyebrow in response, “What?”

“Nothing,” she sang, turning back around to finish pulling on her shirt.

“You’re childish,” you huffed.

“Nope, just in love.” 

You fought the blush that crept up your throat as you turned away, “Cheesy.”

The grin on Yaz’s face was hidden by her turned head.

You groaned once more, stretching, before going to your wardrobe to change. Your head perked up as you remembered something Yaz had told you a week ago, “Oh yeah, aren’t you going off with the Doc today?”

Yaz nods her head as you turn, zipping her jacket, fully dressed. “Yep. Said she’s taking us to some galaxy to see a planet with,” Yaz raised her hands to move her fingers in air quotes, “‘a lot of cats.’”

You snorted as you did the button to your trousers, “Descriptive.”

“Very.”

You sighed, “Well, I guess send me a text when you get back.” You buttoned up the front of your shirt, “Maybe I should just calculate how close she gets to dropping you guys off on time.”

You nearly jumped when you felt Yaz’s arms wrap around your torso from behind. Her arms pulled you against her chest and you felt her breath fan over your exposed skin.

“What?” You attempted to look behind as she nuzzled against your neck.

“I’ll bring you back a souvenir.”

You paused, confusion flitting through your irises. Once the meaning of her words dawned on you you shook your head. “You don’t have to, I’m not—”

“You’re sad,” she interrupted, still nuzzling against your skin.

“I—”

“I know.”

You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, unsure what to say. 

“Yaz.”

She hummed against your skin.

“Thank you,” you tilted your head to rest against her briefly.

When you lifted your head from hers, Yaz lifted from your shoulder, placing a lingering soft kiss to your cheek.

“Always.”

* * *

Yasmin and Ryan laughed boisterously as they stepped briskly side by side, their latest adventure involving an absurd amount of people that looked like cats, resulting in the group being chased around due to a sack of catnip stuffed in the Doctor’s bottomless pockets. Yaz and Ryan both turned into a shop, obviously meant to attract tourists (tourists shops hold a similar feeling whether you are on earth in the 21st century or hundreds of light-years away over 3000 years in the future) that had various memorabilia of nearby interplanetary landmarks. 

The Doctor heaved a sigh before stepping into the glittering shop, knowing there was a strong possibility of spending much longer than just a few minutes to let the humans peruse the shelves. The Time Lord’s eyes lazily scanned the various trinkets, many of which were pulsing odd colours. A complete bait shop for those with a loose hold on their wallets. It hardly mattered how far they evolved, humans were attracted to glitter and sparkles like moths to a flame. 

The Doctor walked among the shelves, only half processing the knickknacks around her. Ahead of her, the Doctor could see Yasmin’s eyes boring intently on some sort of trinket before removing it from the rack, a determined crease set on her brow as she caught up to Ryan who had become distracted with a frivolously coloured bird. A dark pendant with flecks of light made the Doctor halt and run back once her brain had processed it.

The stardust swirling within the deep blue, nearly black, pendent had the Doctor mesmerized. It was a single snapshot in time. A Nebula, the Nebula she had taken you to. It was your first request on the TARDIS. You had always wanted to see the Orion Nebula up close, to be able to view the splendor of the gaseous form in all its glory. The Doctor couldn’t refuse such an enthusiastic request so she had taken you. Yaz had prodded her in private, but it was completely unnecessary, your look of joy when she had agreed sent a flutter through her chest. The Time Lord remembered how you had gasped when she had opened the doors, the light of a million stars dancing in your eyes, the pinks and blues and purples dancing across your skin. She remembered when your eyes would look at her with the same endless wonder.

The Doctor exhaled. _Maybe she could..._

Yaz stepped away from the counter, her purchase in a small bag. The Doctor quickly stepped away from the display, pretending to busy herself with an odd range of hats.

“Doc, you coming?”

The Doctor nearly jumped. “Yeah. I’ll be out in a minute. Have a question to ask, off you pop. It’ll just be a sec.”

Yaz merely arched an eyebrow, eyeing the assortment of hats that were in front of the Doctor. A bright red fez (not dissimilar from the one that came from the Kerb!am Man) sat on the rack.

“You better not be planning on getting one of those. I’m sure someone would chuck it into a supernova if given the chance.” 

The Doctor’s thoughts immediately landed on you. That definitely would be something you would do. A small smile manages to work its way into her lips.

“No hats. Promise.”

* * *

The Doctor lay on a couch in the TARDIS library, the back of her heel bouncing against the arm. Her coat was absent around her shoulders, her sleeves rolled up, forearms bare.

_Should she?_

_Nah._

_But…_

The TIme Lord grumbled to herself. _Why was she so indecisive?_

The Doctor sat up, pushing herself to her feet and making her way back into the console room. 

_She did make the effort to park there after all…_

After pacing back and forth a few times, the Doctor shrugged on her coat. 

She hadn't parked the TARDIS there in ages. She had found it too awkward. Too close. It was just outside your door. You would always be the first one inside, excited eyes looking up to her as you bounded through the door. 

_It wasn’t an accident._

The Doctor took a few defiant steps towards the door, hand held up to grip the handle. She stopped right before the old metal protrusion, hand hovering over it.

The Doctor’s hand lowered, never touching the handle.

She turns away from the door and stalks back to the control panel, fiddling with the endless buttons and leavers.

A low hum emits from the room.

“Oh, shut up.”

Various pitched noises sound from points in the room.

“Oi! I am not!”

The noises following have the Doctor marching towards the door, yanking it open. She paused, staring up at your window. She could see the door of your flat. 

The Time Lord bit her lip.

_No. Not the right time._

She gazed intently at your window, hoping to catch a glimpse of your form. 

_Maybe if you saw the TARDIS, would you come to see her?_

The Doctor perked up when she saw you lumbering slowly behind the curtain. 

Your hair was messy, obviously bed head, and a mug in your hand and you rubbed the sleep out of your eye.

_Cute._

The Doctor was snapped out of her staring once she realized you were about to push the curtain to look out the window. In a panic, the Doctor slammed the door shut, hearts racing in her chest.

_That was close._

The Doctor rushed to the console, ready to just hop to the day she was supposed to pick up Yaz and the rest of the gang. She hesitated with her hands over the controls.

If you were still looking out the window then you would most definitely see the TARDIS disappear and it would look like she was running away

_She was._

The Doctor shook her head. She wasn’t running away. Tactful retreat. That’s what it was. She simply wasn’t ready to face you head-on with her emotions.

The Doctor sat down. She would wait a while before she moved the TARDIS. She didn’t want to give you the wrong impression.

_That happened when she ran away from your kiss, though, didn’t it?_

The Doctor told the voice in her head to shut up.

* * *

The Doctor took in a deep breath, slowly exhaling afterward. She was going to do it. It was time to stop running. She opened her closed eyes, staring intently ahead, determination in her hazel eyes.

The Doctor had spent countless hours contemplating, going over scenarios, and debating with herself (and occasionally the TARDIS) on how to act on her affections towards the human who had been absent from her recent adventures. The Time Lord had eventually come to the conclusion that she had been running from things she didn’t want to face long enough. Loving humans always came with heartbreak. She could spend the rest of your life at your side, but she could not spend the rest of hers with you. She would most certainly out-live you. You were a human, you would wither, and you would die.

The Doctor sucked in a breath, clearing her head. She had come to her decision, no lingering uncertainties could deter her now. You were worth the heartbreak in the end. If it meant you would be by her side, those eyes shining at her like she was all the stars in the sky, then anything was worth it. 

_Even if it broke both of her hearts in the end._

“All right, old girl, I’m going.”

A light ding emitted from across the room.

“Yes, yes. I know. I’ve been putting it off long enough. It’s not like you’ve been harassing me about it for the past few months,” the Time Lord grumbled, “I’m going to apologize and then tell her.”

A soft whir caught the Doctor’s attention.

“What’d you mean?”

A few chimes.

“Oh, that’s just silly.”

There was no response.

“Oh come on, You can’t really think that?”

A single beep.

“Well, I’m going to tell her. You’ve been pestering me for far too long and now all of a sudden you’re telling me that?”

A soft hum.

The Doctor groaned, head tilting back in exasperation, “Make up your mind then, what do you mean you aren’t trying to discourage me? That sounded like you didn’t want me to tell her.”

A few beeps and a flicker of lights was the decisive response from the machine.

“What does that even mean? ‘You’re on her side?’ What does that have to do with anything?”

A defiant hum.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re expecting, or what that means that you’re ‘on her side,’ but I’m not going to wait around any longer.” The Doctor sighed, “I’ve done that long enough.”

A resigned beep echoed through the room.

“She'll come back. Just got to apologize and everything will be back to normal.”

The TARDIS did not respond.

The Doctor checked herself over once again, smoothing her palms against her light greyish, lavender-blue coat. Good. She was good.

The Doctor dug out the pendant she had bought. The Orion Nebula. The moment she later realized was when she began to feel something for you. She loved the way your eyes reflected the stars. 

You were the stars in her eyes.

* * *

The Doctor knocked on the door of your flat once and waited. 

Nothing. 

The Doctor hesitantly gripped the doorknob and turned. A soft click and the door swung open under the light force of her hand.

Unlocked.

Internally the Doctor berated you for your lack of safety precaution. Unlocked doors weren’t safe. The Doctor stepped through the wooden frame, looking for a sign as to where you may be inside. A soft noise of rustling had the Doctor’s attention drawn to your bedroom. 

The Doctor trotted towards your room, door swung open, soft humming coming from inside. When the Doctor peaked around the corner to look inside her breath nearly caught in her throat. There you stood, finally in front of her, back turned while organizing your bookshelf. The headphones over your ears made you oblivious to the woman who had just entered the room, still humming along to the music playing from your phone. 

The Doctor felt herself relax watching you slide a book in place, repeatedly bending to reach down into a small basket at your side to grab a new book. It was almost as if nothing had happened. You were always doing something in your room when she came to visit inside of your flat. Calling out to you would do little to gain your attention, so the Doctor leaned against the doorframe as she waited for you to turn around.

You reached down for another book, hand coming up empty. You looked down into the basket to see the remaining books had been placed on the shelf. You clicked your tongue as you stood back up. You turned towards the door to retrieve the next stack of books when you froze. 

The Doctor was standing at the door of your bedroom.

You blinked.

You thought you would have had hallucinations when you were in the pits of your grief, not now. The soft smile and the quirk of her head seemed far too real. One of the Doctor’s hands reached up to tap on her ear and your arm mirrors the motion automatically, fingers brushing the bulky headphones. Your eyes widen in realization as you quickly slide the headset to rest around your neck, then thinking better of it, take them off entirely to set down on your bed.

“Hey.”

Oh god, it really was her. Unless, of course, you had rapidly developed some sort of acute hallucination that sounded incredibly clear and exactly like the Doctor. Neither thought was particularly comforting.

“Hey,” you greeted back, a bit weakly.

There was an awkward silence that settled between the two of you.

The Doctor seemed to snap out of some sort of trance as she pushed herself away from the frame, her weight supported entirely by her own two feet. “Sorry for barging in. Door was unlocked. Probably not leave it unlocked like that. Anybody could just walk in.”

You nodded mutely.

Another silence followed.

“Is there something you need?” your tone and expression were guarded, slightly on edge. You half expected the Doctor to just disappear into thin air, leaving nothing in her wake. She had done it before.

The Doctor scratched the back of her neck, a slightly abashed expression on her face. 

“I came to apologize.”

A nearly blank stare with a tint of confusion was reflected back at the Doctor.

The Doctor took a deep breath, “I know I handled the situation poorly and I wanted to apologize properly. I should’ve talked it out instead of just avoiding you. I’m sorry I left you in the dust like that. I didn’t mean to just leave you hanging like that.” She hesitated, trying to choose her words, fidgeting slightly, “I’m not very good at dealing with my emotions—or others for that matter—but now I know I should have at least communicated to you that I need time to think.”

Your expression softened as you gazed at the fidgeting Time Lord. A soft sigh left your lips as your shoulders—incredibly tense and starting to ache from the pressure—relaxed. You couldn’t stay mad at her. Even when you were at your angriest during the whole situation, your anger was never towards her. “I forgive you, Doc.”

The Doctor perked up from her slowly receding stance. Internally, you thought she acted far too much like a fluffy dog in desperate need of attention. You stomped down the intrusive thoughts.

A lightness filled the Doctor. _It wasn’t too late._

Doc swallowed harshly. It was now or never. Her fist gripped tightly around the glass in her pocket, praying that you would accept her affections.

“There’s actually, ah, something else I came to say as well.”

Your eyes flickered to hers once again, eyebrows drawing upwards slightly. 

“I just wanted to say, I wasn’t rejecting you. Just needed some time to think. I’ve had so many people come and go,” the Doctor bitterly remembered some of the too-soon departures of her previous companions, “I wasn’t sure if I would be able to handle losing you as well if I let myself give in to my emotions.”

The Doctor chuckled, a bit humorlessly, “I know I handled it poorly, and I want to apologize for any emotional,” the Doctor waved her hand in the air searching for the word, “strife I caused. But I came to the conclusion that I’d rather have to go through any pain that would follow instead of never having you by my side.”

A determined gleam was in the Doctor’s eyes, expression set as your name fell from her lips, “I love you,” she could hear the hitch in your breath, “I care for you more than I should—more than I should let myself—but damn it all, I love you and I don’t care that I won’t be able to spend the rest of my life with you, But I can’t stand the thought that you would still be out there and I didn’t try to at least spend some of it by your side.”

The Doctor’s eyes squeezed tightly shut as she repeated your name again, “I love you.”

She waited for an answer.

There was only silence.

The Doctor opened her eyes, the crease in your brow still had not gone away. You hadn’t moved. She observed how you worried at your lower lip, conflicting emotions in your eyes. As she scanned your form she realized, for the first time, that you already had a copy of the blue pendant around your neck.

The Doctor’s mouth opened, about to verbalize her confusion. _Where had you received the pendant from?_ Her hand still clasped around the one in her pocket in bewilderment. 

“Hey, I’m back!” Yaz’s voice came from the entrance of your flat.

_That explained the pendent then._

Yaz entered the room where you stood with the Doctor. The Time Lord could feel the tension in Yaz’s form. She could easily understand any possible hesitance from you, but why was Yaz uncomfortable by her presence?

 _Wait_.

_Why was Yaz here?_

_Yaz never visited you on weekdays before._

Your face fell in temporary relief. “Welcome back, Yaz.”

She nodded once, side-eyeing the Doctor.

You nod your head in the Time Lord’s direction, eyes connecting with Yaz’s, “Came for a visit. Apologize and all.”

Yaz scanned the Doctor before looking at you. The human was quickly snapped out of whatever was occupying her thoughts, striding over to you in a few swift paces, placing a kiss square on your lips. You nearly stumbled back from the abruptness. A soft noise in the back of your throat was nearly swallowed, one of Yasmin’s arms circling your waist to draw you close.

_Oh._

The Doctor felt her hearts fall.

Yaz pulled away and you gasped for air, a fresh shade of crimson staining your cheeks as you sputtered with wide eyes.

The Doctor’s eyes, that were glued to your face, looked into your eyes. She swallowed thickly. She finally took in your face fully. She saw for the first time since arriving that you no longer looked at her the way you looked at that nebula. That soft, awe-filled gaze was now directed towards Yaz. 

Her lips pulled into a tight, forced smile. 

“Right. Well, I'll be off then,” the Doctor turned to walk out the door. She hesitated, her feet at the frame. She turned her head back to look at you, “Ahh, you’re still welcome of course—if you want,” she added almost as an afterthought.

You nodded, a sad smile on your lips. Your eyebrows drawn in what the Doctor perceived as apology. There was clearly something you wanted to vocalize but didn’t. “Thank you, Doctor.”

She nodded once then continued her path out of your flat.

* * *

The Time Lord pushed open the doors to the TARDIS. A soft whooping noise resonated through the sentient space ship. The Doctor lightly patted on the console, a comforting sort of gesture, unclear who it was supposed to soothe exactly.

“It’s all right, old girl.”

The lights flickered.

The Doctor bit her lip.

Another noise, a ding from elsewhere in the room, caused a bitter chuckle to rise from the Time Lord.

“You were right. I should have seen it sooner. I should have _done_ something.” 

The Doctor grit her teeth.

“I shouldn’t have been so afraid,” the Doctor clenched her fist, “Because I lost her.”

To the Doctor, you had shone brightly. You eclipsed every light in the sky. To her, you were the stars.

_But she was no longer the stars to you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, this has been a wonderful story I got to share with you all. For a bit, I wasn't totally sure I was going to make it. Procrastination and a fear of commitment can do wonders for making you avoid your own work, even if the original point of said work was to be stress relief. 
> 
> But that all aside, I have finally updated the last chapter, so all of those people anxiously waiting to read completed fics, have at it. and to those of you that made it to the end? Congrats! You win the grand prize! a bucket of tears and many conflicting feelings running through your head! Hurrah! Gold star.
> 
> I do have a bonus chapter in the works that will be posted at an unspecified date of time and totally separate from this story. It really is bonus, the original story changes in no way but if I had more time and patience I may have added it here. I'll probably make one of those collections—series? I have no idea how to use this site, somebody please save me.
> 
> God, it's late at night-morning—I'm rambling and have no place to take this string of dialogue. Should I tell you about myself? what I did these past two weeks? I stole a birdhouse and ate a lot of donuts. Maybe an end of game message for surviving the fic?
> 
> _[queue static as the screen fades to black, a robotic voice in eerie surround sound despite there being no speakers]_
> 
> Dear readers, I am so happy you managed to make it to the end (really, despite how poorly I treated you throughout this entire process). And for each and every one of you who have supported me through this story, to me, dear reader, you are the stars.


End file.
